The Washington Post

Picky shoppers

The GOP voters are apparently still not “satisfied” with their choices. They are hoping for an ideal candidate who hasn’t shown up yet. Here’s what that candidate would look like:

Someone who would continue to rail against gay rights as that issue fades away because Americans have now come to understand that gay people exist and are the same as you and me and letting them get married is less a threat to the institution than everything heterosexuals have been doing forever. Someone who would be reliable in attempting to restrict the rights of women to receive abortion services as long as wealthy Republican donors still could quietly access those services. Someone who could convincingly complain about immigrants without alienating swing state Hispanic voters too much or corporate desire for low-wage workers.

Easy enough! The harder part is finding a candidate with a credible plan to eliminate the deficits by giving still more tax cuts to the rich. Someone who can provide them with a job by eliminating an environmental regulation that results in the poison going in someone else’s water. Someone with a health plan that can make sure that anybody who loses their access to services is somebody else. Someone with beliefs powerful enough to make climate change not real. And now the impossible part: someone who can persuasively advocate for all this who isn’t an obvious liar, embarrassing moron or demonstrated sociopath.

Tom Toles is the editorial cartoonist for The Post and writes the Tom Toles blog. See all of his cartoons here.


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