Does corrugation imply collation, or the other way around? I forget. Whatever. No sooner do I write about how everyone should stop watching television than a study comes to my attention saying that watching TV causes birthrates to fall.

This would strike me as more plausible if everyone watched nothing but the evening news broadcasts, which currently are filled with solemn, uninformative interviews with relatives of tragedy victims, together with purposeless ‘soft’ features, all of which serving as packing peanuts around the real product of prescription drug advertising. This advertising, when added up, makes you feel that life is a series of distinctly unsexy and peculiar maladies like Restless Lung Syndrome, that can be treated! But with Potential Side Effects that are hastily read while the smiling actors onscreen try to distract you by snatching a laughing baby out of the jaws of the killer whale at the aquarium show. More laughter all around as seductive glances are exchanged over the recued baby, with thoughts of Sex Function drugs in the air. But even the ads for Sex Function drugs seem designed to resurrect a distant memory of some former activity that other people do alone in matching bathtubs while watching out for their own side effects like dangerous four-hour bouts of awkward dancing.

But again, whatever. If watching TV leads to lower birthrates, let me fluff the pillows on your TV couch for you. Lower birthrates used to be considered a good thing, but then they became a bad thing when we realized the pyramidal nature of our retirement programs. But now they are a good thing again because robots will be taking our jobs so we won’t be needed or have anything to do anyway. Except watch TV. It all makes sense again.