I was Honey Boo Boo for Halloween. Why? Because I had a blond wig so I wanted to be a blond. But which blond to be??? Thor? Thor makes sense, because I have a beard, though I’m in better shape than him. Also, I was Thor last year, which is why I had the wig.

Yes, dressing up as Honey Boo Boo is wrong in so many ways. I barely was aware of her existence. I have never seen her on the “Television Set”. I had to “Google the Youtube”. And then later on, as I completed the outfit by donning my little white shoes, I could see that the result was truly terrifying in the not-customary way. Was it the makeup? The beard? The dress? The flower in my hair? Whatever. It had an effect. Grown men flinched and recoiled from the sight. But what was my POINT, anyway? Cultural critique? Cultural endorsement? Hard to say. Some things just resist parsing.

Is it true, as a woman suggested to me, that all guys secretly want to dress in drag? I dunno! I can’t say I’ve thought about it much, but there I was. Did I enjoy it? Well, yes I did. I THINK I enjoyed it because it made people laugh, and that seemed to make everyone happy. But who knows? In any case, it was unavoidable. The die was cast. Once I thought of it, I couldn’t unthink it. And to the unfortunates who saw me, now they can’t either.