After all of last night’s excitement — the taking a dark turn when the producers kicked Jermaine Jones off the show for lying about run-ins with the law — how can results night possibly measure up?
Anyone distracted by shiny things has no chance of answering that question, as Jennifer Lopez is literally glowing in a sparkly gold dress that is actually painful to look at when it catches the light.
Ryan Seacrest reminds us that this is a particularly brutal week, because the person eliminated tonight will have just missed a spot on the “Idol” summer tour, which only goes to the Top 10 finalists. But no time to dwell on that — time to ogle J-Lo on the cover of this month’s Vogue! Ryan also plugs her new single and video.
Hey — this show isn’t about the judges. It’s about...Tommy Hilfiger? The designer appears on screen and announces he’s going to be the show’s new “image” consultant this season . He expresses admiration for Adam Lambert’s style, and we can’t help but think about the amazing, endless possibilities for bringing some Adam Lambert-inspired fashions to the stage this season.
There’s a break for an especially creepy Ford commercial where some of the Idolettes pretend to be ghosts or zombies or something, but then it’s time to get down to business. Seacrest calls up Phillip Phillips, Skylar Laine, Elise Testone and Joshua Ledet to the stage to hear mentor Jimmy Iovine’s taped thoughts about performance night.
Jimmy thoughts on Phillip: He went far beyond the call of duty, performing mere days after surgery. Skylar: The song wasn’t right for her, and she could have done better — but she’s not in danger. Elise: She’s going to be in it for the long haul, will definitely stay. Joshua: He had the show’s “big moment” of the week, besting judge-favorite Jessica.
After reading a very adorable e-mail from Percy Sledge praising Joshua’s performance of his “When a Man Loves a Woman,” Seacrest tells Joshua to pack his bags..for the summer tour! Joshua is safe. Phillip is safe. Skylar is safe. Elise looks especially dour as she heads over to the Stools of Shame in the bottom three.
The next group is called: Colton Dixon, Shannon Magrane, DeAndre Brackensick and Jessica Sanchez.
Jimmy thoughts on DeAndre: A lengthy defense of himself after the judges criticize song choice (the dreary “Endless Love”), which was Jimmy’s idea. It boils down to Jimmy saying he suggested a great song, but DeAndre didn’t do a great job singing (nice, Jimmy). Colton: He’ll be in the middle of the pack this week, and also, Randy doesn’t make any sense (true life, Jimmy). Shannon: She pushed too hard, and showed her weaknesses, but has extraordinary potential. Jessica: Glad she did an uptempo song, but she messed up the rhythm when she belted a big note and lost her breath. Still, she’s not going home.
Colton is safe. Jessica is safe. DeAndre is safe. Shannon heads over to join Elise on the Stools of Shame.
“Idol” alum Chris Daughtry returns to growl his way through his new song, and then it’s time for Hollie Cavanagh, Heejun Han and Erika Van Pelt to join Seacrest.
Jimmy thoughts on Hollie: She was fantastic, showed poise and confidence, though she has to start dressing like she’s 18 and not 50. Heejun: People are going to get bored of him if he doesn’t spice things up and choose different types of songs. Erika: Fell into the over-singing trap...and then we don’t get much an assessment, because he goes on a rant about Randy criticizing the song’s arrangement.
Anyway, Hollie is safe. Heejun is safe. Erika...is joining Shannon and Elise.
J-Lo does not like the bottom three, especially Elise. Steven agrees, and then rambles for awhile about how Elise was great. Seacrest ends the judge’s misery by sending one person back to safety, and it’s...Elise!
Seacrest announces that the next person who’s going on tour is...Erika! Shannon has to sing for her life, and belts out Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s “One Sweet Day” with all her might. Is she going to get the coveted the judge’s save?
Randy keeps it short: “Unfortunately, we’re not going to use it tonight.”
And so we say goodbye to Shannon, her famous baseball-playing dad, and the Steven Tyler’s “hot, humid and happening — just like your daughter” line that got way too much attention.
Last week: Jeremy Rosado says goodbye
Last week: Top 13 perform Whitney and Stevie tunes