It went like this:
Mark Cuban was a scheduled guest. Cuban stars on ABC’s reality series “Shark Tank” in which rich people allegedly put up their own money to help entrepreneurs with great ideas.
That allows Kimmel to queue up Sheen with the question to Cuban, “Speaking of business ideas, I know -- I heard anyway, I DON’T know -- that you’ve been talking to Charlie Sheen. What kind of a venture are you discussing with Charlie Sheen?”
“A lot of different things. Charlie’s a smart guy. He doesn’t get near the credit he deserves for being a smart guy,” Cuban raves.
Out from back stage marches Sheen “Ho ya doing!” Sheen says to the audience He embraces Cuban. He kisses Kimmel on the mouth. He looks very thin. He seems pretty tightly wound. He’s carrying two tote bags. He signs his name on the album of the musicians Kimmel’s plugging tonight. He marches into the audience and hands it to someone. He returns to the stage. Finally, he sits down. He points at the band.
“You should borrow the band for the talk show you’re doing!” Kimmel fawns – a big fat plug for Sheen’s upcoming multi-city tour, in which he’s promised to sit on stage and riff.
“Pack it up right now, dammit” Sheen orders the band.
I can’t stay… I can’t stay,” Sheen rat-a-tat-tats. The audience moans and boos.
“I have a show to write, dammit!” he says.
He starts reaching into the tote bags.
“Dude your forgot your merchandise at the house today,” Sheen says at Cuban, like some badly rehearsed crosstalk act.
”You were at the house?! Oh my god!” Kimmel gushes like a schoolgirl.
“Charlie, you know the rule – if you don’t bring enough for everybody…” Cuban pretends to respond.
Sheen pulls out of the tote bags enough T-shirts for – well, about a dozen audience members anyway. He lobs them into the audience. The audience erupts and grabs.
“I had this dream before and it doesn’t end well,” Kimmel babbles.
“Yes…,mine ends well,” Sheen snarks. His eyes are ablaze.
“Your lips are very moist,” he tells Kimmel. “I brought you a gift…It’s a mug. It’s got a fox on it -- I’ll let you figure it out,” Sheen adds – pushing along the report Sheen’s in-house organ, TMZ, had issued earlier Monday that Sheen had met with suits from Fox to talk about various things they might do together.
Then Sheen hugs Cuban and abruptly walks off stage.
”Unfortunately, we’re out of time,” Kimmel pretend-apologizes to Cuban.
“Shocking how that happens,” Cuban giggles.
”You have a very weird life,” Kimmel simpers.
”Crazy,” Cuban boasts.
And so ends another day in Charlie Sheen World. Yes, every day Sheen has to have some new excitement. Because now he’s a publicity addict.