Charlie Sheen at the Fox Theatre in Detroit. (Carlos Osorio/AP)

First, the bad news — or good, depending on your perspective: Charlie Sheen bombed in Detroit — the first stop on his My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option tour.

We think the Los Angeles Times, in its coverage of his opening Saturday night, put it best when it reported: “Sheen didn’t bring the goods, and no amount of pandering to the spectators with his you-and-me against-the-trolls malarkey could convince them otherwise. The Malibu messiah’s stab at demagoguery died a quick and not entirely painless death. …Without a workable script, or an interviewer (either kowtowing like CNN’s Piers Morgan or sneering like ABC’s Andrea Canning), he’s completely at sea.”

Guess what? Someone in Sheen’s camp reads a newspaper!

When he next appeared, in Chicago on Sunday night, an interviewer “who didn’t identify himself kept Sheen on track,” the Associated Press reported, adding happily that Sheen asked the Chicago audience “not to become [expletive] Detroit tonight” and that this time, unlike Detroit, “it ended with a standing ovation.”

And in more good/bad Sheen news, E! network has lined up a compendium of Sheen hangers-on to talk about the sacked “Two and a Half Men” star this Wednesday. Longtime “friend” Daniel Baldwin will place the likelihood of Sheen hurting himself at “pretty high.” Dr. Howard Samuels, CEO of The Hills Treatment Center, who has not — repeat, NOT — treated Sheen, will explain that men who like hookers have intimacy issues. Speaking thereof, Heidi Fleiss will contribute a testimonial that Sheen was “great” to do business with, E! said.

A good time will be had by all.

And if you aren’t sick of Sheen by April 19, the 13th stop on his My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option train — at Washington’s DAR Constitution Hall — appears still to have plenty of tickets available., for instance, reported Monday afternoon that it had more than 230 seats available.