With only six celebrities left in this life cycle of “Dancing with the Stars,” the producers have a difficult time filling a whole hour of results show.
Time to load up the musical acts.
Nicki Menaj drops her ballroom mix of “Moment for Life” featuring the DWT$ OG Baby Dancerz doing the *&#!
Moments later Patricia Zhou shows up. Patricia didn’t start doing ballet dance until she was 13 – way old for an aspiring ballerina. Four short years later, she’s starring in “Dancing with the Stars’” How Dance Has the Power to Change Lives segment! Patricia, who appears to be double jointed everywhere, performs a suspiciously trained-as-a-gymnist-since-the-womb performance while Priscilla Ahn sings “Dream.”
“A body in motion and a voice in the air – it doesn’t get much better than that,” show host Tom Bergeron raves with uncharacteristic goopiness.
Next, Wayne Brady sings and dances his way through a medley of James Brown songs, because it would have been Brown’s birthday, had he not handed in his dinner pail in 2006. Now, Wayne Brady is a performer who can do anything well, including James Brown. But, he’s also a great comic improviser and mimic, and we confess we were hoping he’d instead perform his interpretation of each celebrity member of this season’s “Dancing” cast, from Kendra Wilkinson to Romeo to Kirstie Alley. That would have been a performance!
Another time-eater: a series of frank talks by the pro’s to their celebrity students across a round table, in a darkened room.
“It was not easy to shoot that segment – we had to kick out a poker tournament and three psychics to get that space,” Bergeron snarks, back to his old self.
Look! It’s singer-songwriter James Blunt! He’s come to strum his way through his new single, “I’ll Be Your Man” while Maks’ brother Val C. and a woman who looks a lot like, but is not, Karina S. dance up a storm. Sorry, but at this point in the season we are too tired to spell these dancers’ polysyllabic names over and over again. Why, oh why, can’t they all be named Brooke Burke?
With all but a few minutes burned off, Bergeron and DWTS Celebriquarium hostess Burke will reveal whether Chelsea Kane or Kendra Wilkinson gets booted this week, as Bergeron reminds us these two do not necessarily represent the two bottom vote getters, though one will definitely go home. Is there any actual suspense here, folks? I didn’t think so.
How to count the many path breaking moments Kendra gave to DWTS?
The first to come out about breast augmentation.
The first to come out about underarm odor.
And her battle to overcome her psychological torments were every bit as, shall we say, uplifting and pungent. Particularly that week she spoke so movingly about anti-bunny prejudice.
OK, we never really got why her previous career as a Playboy bunny and stripper left her unprepared to shake her tail in public. But we accepted it with blind faith, because the producers so obviously were in love with that storyline and we hated to let them down. More credible was the strength of character she showed after her coach, Louis Van Amstel let her know, on camera, how disappointed he was with the firm anti-elegance position she’d taken during a debate with show judge Carrie Ann Inaba after a performance.
And Louis, who looks like a man who should have a hand-sanitizer endorsement gig--who knows what mental torments he went through moving Kendra around on the dance floor hour after hour?
Suffice it to say that neither was giving the traditional DWTS “I made a friend for life” parting line to each other after Bergeron made it official that they’d gotten the old heave ho.
All that said, Kendra really was improving as a ballroom dancer in recent weeks. But Kirstie Alley and Romeo were tied with the fewest points from the judges this week. And if you think viewers weren’t going to rally to vote and save them, then you don’t know “Dancing.” Kendra, meanwhile, was this week’s runner up when it came to snagging the fewest judge points. Poor Kendra didn’t stand a chance.
(Photo Gallery: “Dancing With the Stars”)