It’s Guilty Pleasure Songs Night on “Dancing With the Stars,” but it’s also Debate Night in the Real World of Actual Life. That means the show will only be one hour, with half the contestants performing their dances. The roles reverse Tuesday, instead of a results show, and we’ll get performance night No. 2.

Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco (Adam Taylor/ABC)

Actress Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Samba

Something weird is going on with Kelly and Val. And by weird, we mean that if they’re not gazing intensely into each other’s eyes, they’re always wrapped around each other looking incredibly sullen. “I want to dance with you forever,” mumbles Kelly at the end of last week’s performance show, snuggled up to Val.

Another recurring theme of the season is how much Kelly’s struggling with “General Hospital” rehearsals all day, and “DWTS” rehearsals at night. Val visits Kelly at her day job. “Whatever you need me to you to do, I’m at your service. Anything you want,” Val tells her. “Why don’t you wait for me in my dressing room, then,” Kelly purrs back.

Cut to: Kelly tearing off Val’s shirt — during the performance, of course. They move swiftly through a samba, and always-conservative judge Len Goodman declares it “a tad on the raunchy side.” “There was too much gyrating,” he complains. Carrie Ann says Kelly was tense and unsure of herself, while Bruno Tonioli isn’t a fan either.

Scores: 8, 8, 8.5 for a total of 24.5 points.

Actor Gilles Marini and Peta Murgatroyd

Dance: Rumba

Gilles has chosen Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” for his guilty pleasure song because, as he describes it, the year the song came out is the same year he had great luck with the ladies. If only he knew what the future would hold! Gilles is determined to knock Shawn Johnson and Derek off the top of the leaderboard.

Gilles and Peta slowly glide through the rumba, nailing all the steps. “That was not a dance, that was master class theater,” Bruno gushes. “Gripping, thrilling, one of the best performances I’ve seen.”

Now, we all know Carrie Ann can get a little over-excited, but no one quite expects to see this — “Let the baby-making begin!” she shrieks. And then falls off her chair.

Cue gasps in the ballroom, as Tom Bergeron and Gilles — always the gentleman — rush over to see if she’s okay. Carrie Ann is laughing on the ground, and seems more embarrassed than hurt. “When you said ‘Let the baby-making begin,’ I didn’t think you’d get in position,” Tom Bergeron cracks, making it the No. 1,842 reason to adore Tom Bergeron.

Scores: 10, 9.5, 10 for a total of 29.5 points.

Actress Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Quickstep

Here’s hoping the Palin family didn’t tune into “DWTS” this week. “No disrespect, Bristol left, and so now we don’t have anybody who is not an amazing dancer,” Maks says in rehearsal. Kirstie, meanwhile, doesn’t want to name names, but she doesn’t think everyone left is a good entertainer.

Instead of naming names, Kirstie complains about the quickstep, and winds up breaking down crying on the dance floor. It’s much less exciting, particularly when the actual performance winds up looking fine, with Kirstie only stumbling over a few steps.

Carrie Ann thinks Kirstie did excellent work, and Len, a big Kirstie fan, thinks it was her best dance ever.

Scores: 8.5, 8.5, 8.5 for a total of 25.5 points.

Former NFL player Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke

Dance: Samba

Nothing exciting apparently happened with Emmitt and Cheryl in rehearsal, because we get very little footage. It’s just Emmittsaying that when things get too intense in rehearsal, he just wants to laugh.

They shake it to the dance, easily the most entertaining of the evening. Bruno says something about delivering maximum pleasure, because that’s something Bruno tends to say. He adds that Emmitt makes the samba look easy, even though it’s a difficult dance. “Samba swagger!” yells Carrie Ann, and doesn’t fall over this time.

Scores: 9.5, 9.5, 10 for 29 points.

Next up is the first group dance of the week: Shawn Johnson/Derek, Melissa Rycroft/Tony, Apolo Anton Ohno/Karina and Sabrina Bryan/Louis. They’re dancing to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe,” because who hasn’t?

They decide that because the other group will rely heavily on comedy and entertainment in their dance, this group is going to impress the judges with complicated lifts. It seems dangerous, and even gymnast Shawn nearly gets dropped on her face.

Unfortunately, during all these complex moves, Melissa gets whiplash and has to be taken to the hospital. She’s diagnosed with a herniated disc in her upper neck, and even though she tells Tom Bergeron she’s on a lot of medication, she’s been cleared to dance.

Whether or not it was wise to have such a difficult dance, it pays off — the high school-themed performance (complete with cheerleaders and football players) goes off without a hitch. The judges award the team 29.5 points, which means each couple will have 29.5 points added to their score on results night next week.

Tuesday night: The rest of the couples perform.