Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya’s cheerleading routine didn’t work out so well on Monday night. (Adam Taylor/ABC)

But first we must get through an hour, starting with the “Dancing With the Stars” troupe performing a Madonna medley. Unlike the couples last night, no one has to wear an embarrassing costume. So unfair.

Judge Len Goodman laments the elimination of Kristin Cavallari and Chynna Phillips, who had some discernible talent, and we find out the fate of Ricki Lake and Derek along with Hope Solo and Maks. Ricki didn’t have her best night, but she did get a chance to reunite with her “Hairspray” director John Waters. Hope broke down backstage after receiving a mediocre score from the judges. Maks attempts a pep talk, but it’s hard to take him seriously wearing a leather jacket, no shirt, and lots of bling.

Ricki and Derek are safe!

Hope and Maks are in jeopardy.

For this week’s Clip Package To Kill Time, the celebs talk about how hard it was for them not knowing who their professional partners would be, and they have lots of thinly veiled complaints about how hard the pros make them work. Everyone seems to get along fine, except for Hope and Maks, who seem truly unhappy together.

Original “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson appears on stage to sing a girl power anthem. Tristan and Kym are the dancers for the tune and glare angrily at each other by way of interpretive dance.

For the night’s inspirational story, we meet Charm Ladonna, a dancer who grew up in a rough neighborhood with a single mom but eventually earned enough money touring to put herself through college and teach dance classes to young children. After the heartwarming story, we get a psychedelic dance performance with Charm and two male dancers via video screen, and then she joins Derek Hough and Mark Ballas to dance to a Britney Spears tune.

The show is trying to reach every music genre tonight, as the Band Perry sing their depressing-but-hit song “If I Die Young” (and a much sleepier performance than the one they gave at Washington’s Sunday in the Country this past weekend). The interpretive dancers look way too cheerful for a ballad about untimely death, so we wonder if they’re listening to the lyrics.

Oh right, back to the dancers. Rob Kardashian had his best performance night yet, in a gaudy lime green shirt, no less. J.R. Martinez thrilled the judges, and Bruno called him a “loin-shattering sex machine.” David Arquette got so excited with his positive comments from the judges that he started talking in a British accent. “We should have subtitles for David, sometimes,” Tom Bergeron notes, correctly.

J.R. and Karina are safe!

David and Kym are in jeopardy.

Rob and Cheryl are safe!

More flashbacks: Nancy Grace got an 8 from the judges, so that’s all she cared about. Chaz Bono made a “gallant effort” and finally received some positive feedback. Carson Kressley dressed up as a cheerleader but still showed a large lack of skill. “I’d rather have a great time and mess up a little bit than be perfect and boring,” Carson tells the camera. We’ll see how that works out.

Chaz and Lacey are safe!

Nancy and Tristan are safe!

Carson and Anna are in jeopardy.

We’re down to Hope and Maks vs. David and Kym vs. Carson and Anna, though the hosts send one couple back to safety quickly, which turns out to be David and Kym. That means the couple going home is ... Carson and Anna.

The pair looks completely not surprised, and Carson says that while he’s sad he had to go before next week’s Broadway-themed competition, he’s thrilled that he gets to keep the performance costumes for Halloween.

Last night: ‘Dancing With the Stars’: Time for ’80s night

Last week: ‘Dancing With the Stars’: Songs from the movies, and a visit from Cher

Last week results: ‘Dancing With the Stars’: Chynna Phillips makes mistakes, is sent home

Full coverage: ‘Dancing with the Stars’

GALLERY: Click the image above to view more photos from ‘Dancing with the Stars’ season 13.