“There comes a time in everybody’s life when you’re faced with a choice,” said Comedy Central’s “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart, kicking off Monday night’s show. “Whether you would like to have sex on your desk at work — or remain employed.”

Naturally, this led into much riffing about the fall of Gen. David Patraeus, who resigned last week after admitting to an affair, later discovered to be his biographer, Paula Broadwell. (Though Stewart was disappointed the scandal didn’t involve a “sexy Soviet agent.”) Even more so because Stewart interviewed Broadwell on the show last January.

“In case anyone out there thought I may have actual journalist’s instincts, I give you a quick snippet of my interview,” Stewart said, gearing up to point out every innuendo that appeared in the interview. “I had her right there talking about how thick a coat of awesomesauce Patraeus is bathed in — the thing never crossed my [expletive] mind!”

“I am the worst journalist in the world,” he concluded.

Here’s the rest of Stewart’s rant: