By the time this hour of “The X Factor” is over, two acts will go home and four will go on to the semi-finals next week -- and we will have heard performances from last year’s X-Victor, Melanie Amaro, as well as the superstar known as Ke$ha.
Anything distinctive we remember about Melanie from last fall’s competition has been expunged as she performs her new single, “Long Distance.” She performs half the song while standing on top of a tall pillar.
Next, a Japanese electronics company pays a lot of money to have the X-testants show off its new line of headphones. That’s followed by Chief Product Placer Simon Cowell telling us that he “was involved with the design” of the headphones and thinks they are the best in the world, meaning they expand to accommodate even the most swollen of heads.
The lowest-scoring act in last night’s voting must go home immediately and it’s...CeCe Frey. CeCe had survived on the show long after she should have, talent-wise, because she came to stand for all the people in America who seem to barely be able to keep it together, which is why we thought she’d go on and on. Cece says the message of her X-contestancy is “You need to love who you are, because the more you love who you are the less you’re going to need anybody else to.” That’s a good thing, right?
Ke$ha comes out to perform the world TV premiere of her new single “Come On.” She’s dressed like one of those ads for a gentleman’s club. She’s kind of pitchy and screechy, but excellent at bump and grind. Backstage Cece is watching and thinking -- I can do this.
So that leaves the final sing off between the next two lowest-voted acts and that will be....Diamond White and girl group Fifth Harmony.
Little Diamond, 13, was in the sing-off last week and bested Vino Alan, who easily outweighed all the Fifth girls put together, so we’re not counting her out.
The Fifth goes first, on Mariah Carey’s “Anytime You Need a Friend” and each one takes turns soloing and trying very hard. They’ve never been convincing as a group but on the other hand we never get enough screen time on any one of them to form an opinion.
Diamond follows with Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance” sung way up at the top of her voice and a bit out of control.
Judgment time. Simon Cowell is first and since he coaches Fifth, there’s no question where this is going. He says he thinks “the competition would miss this group” if they didn’t make it to the semi’s because apparently the semi’s could use a few less surprises.
Chief Usually Empathetic Judge Britney Spears hastily says she wants to dump Fifth.
Judge LA “Consistently Voted Against Diamond Previously” Reid isn’t going to change his opinion now.
And it comes down to Generation Y and Under Judge, Demi Lovato to cast the final vote. She whacks Diamond.
Poor Diamond, who never could get settled into a predictable genre under the firm guidance of Britbrit. The Fifth, on the other hand, are easy to peg if nowhere near as interesting, as performers.
But Diamond turns out to be one level-headed 13-year-old. Asked by Ko-Hosts Khloe Kardashian Odom and Mario Lopez for her thoughts, she says, “I’m just thinking of Cher Lloyd”, the 4th place finisher on the British X Factor who went on to be a double platinum record seller. “I’m sure to come back here with one of my hits,” she says. And, by gosh, we believe they will be rolling that bit of tape on some Grammy’s tribute in 2032.
Nothing left but to reveal how the voting went for the three acts that outpolled Diamond and Fifth:
3. Emblem3, Simon’s pet boy band
2. Carly Rose Sonnenclar, the best singer in the competition, who had been in the top spot
1. Tate Stevens, the Almost Garth Brooks