The Infiniti QX80. (Infiniti/Wieck)

Bottom line: Buy the Infiniti Q80 if you have nothing better to do with your money.

Ride, acceleration and handling: Driving it is like trying to pilot a yacht on a pond. There’s no fun in that.

Head-turning quotient: You know something is wrong when seemingly everyone around you, even people who appear to be otherwise nice, is giving you the Royal Digital Salute.

Layout: The Infiniti Q80 is a full-size luxury sport-utility vehicle with four side doors and a rear hatch. A relative of the Nissan Titan pickup truck, it is available with rear-wheel or all-wheel drive.

Engine/transmission: It comes with a 5.6-liter, 32-valve gasoline-direct-injection V-8 engine with variable valve timing. The engine is linked to a seven-speed automatic transmission that can also be operated manually.

Technology: The vehicle is available with Nissan/Infiniti’s patented Around View Monitor, which creates a composite outside-vehicle image using four cameras to give a single overhead view of your driving environment. It is remarkable technology that would be better applied to a more sensibly sized vehicle.

Capacities: Seats up to eight people. With third-row seats up, cargo capacity is 16.6 cubic feet. With third-row seats down, its 49.6 cubic feet. The fuel tank holds 26 gallons of gasoline (regular grade is okay).

Mileage: Miserable. Adding two passengers and 200 pounds of cargo to its considerable heft and girth, along with city traffic jams, delivered 12 miles per gallon in the city and 18 on the highway. Miserable.

Safety: Standard equipment includes four-wheel anti-lock brake protection, electronic brake-force distribution, “intelligent braking assistance” engineered to reduce collision forces, side and head air bags, a reinforced passenger compartment, and front and rear crumple zones.

Pricing: Prices for the 2014 Q80 are not yet finalized. But, so far, we have heard that the Q80 with all-wheel drive will start at $64,450. Add $3,100 for the theater package (rear seven-inch screens with wireless headphones), $3,280 for the technology package, $4,650 for the Nissan/Infiniti deluxe touring package (fancy leather and wood trim, etc.), and $2,450 for the tire and wheel package. You are looking at $77,930. Is it worth it? My ego and wallet shout “No!!”