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Here is everything Darth Vader said in ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’

The Sith Lord is a man of few words but many orders. We’re here to help translate what he really means.

Darth Vader looms in an episode of "Obi-Wan Kenobi." (Disney Plus)
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This story contains spoilers for “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Darth Vader is a man of few words.

Perhaps it’s because Anakin Skywalker, the burned and broken Jedi who lies beneath his black armor, is too damaged to be as chatty as he was as a young prequel Padawan. Maybe it just hurts to talk now with all those robotics attached to him, especially as a chronic heavy breather. Or perhaps James Earl Jones voice-overs are really expensive.

Whatever the case, when the Sith Lord speaks, it’s always a big deal.

The hype of the rematch between Obi-Wan Kenobi and his former apprentice is just as much a war of words as it is an anticipated lightsaber duel. But Darth Vader only speaks when he deems you worthy to hear his voice — and doesn’t start until three episodes into the “Obi-Wan Kenobi” series on Disney Plus. Anything else is a waste of technologically enhanced breath. And sometimes his true feelings go unsaid.

Here is every word spoken by his Darthness, organized by episode. Consider us your Darth Vader translator. No droids necessary.

Part 3

“Where is he?”

Nothing to see here. Just a bit of obsession with Obi-Wan Kenobi that will no doubt derail the advancements of the empire.

“The Grand Inquisitor means nothing. Kenobi is all that matters now. Is that understood?”

I go through Grand Inquisitors like I go through black metal suits. The title of this show is “Obi-Wan Kenobi,” not “Grand Inquisitor.” What do you think this is, an episode of “Star Wars: Rebels” or something? Get me Kenobi or get another job.

“I have been watching you, Third Sister. I know what it is you seek. Prove yourself, and the position of Grand Inquisitor is yours. Fail me and you will not live to regret it.”

I’m happy to give you this position even though I’m probably going to destroy you.

“You cannot run, Obi-Wan.”

You chopped off my legs and now you want to just run? Ignite your lightsaber you coward.

“I am what you made me.”

Seriously, bro? You’re asking me what have I become? As if you didn’t slice off my limbs and leave me on a burning lava planet? What would you have me wear? A robe?!

“The years have made you weak. You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.”

If you think you’re old and tired now, Obi-Wan ... wait until you see yourself in “Episode IV: A New Hope.”

“Now you will suffer, Obi-Wan. Your pain has just begun.”

Silly Obi-Wan. You didn’t think you were going to leave me to burn and force me to wear this itchy metal suit for the rest of my life and I wasn’t going to try to burn you to a crisp. I like my Jedi well done.

“Bring him to me.”

Even though Stormtroopers have the worst aim in the galaxy I’m going to entrust you idiots with bringing a flame-broiled Obi-Wan Kenobi to me and hope nothing goes wrong in the 10 seconds it should take you to do this? Hey … is that a rebel with a gun hiding on a cliff? Aw, crap.

Part 4

“You were warned what defeat would bring. I will tolerate your weakness no longer.”

Unless of course, Third Sister, you planned this screwup.

“It seems I have underestimated you.”

What’s that, Third Sister? Oh, you’ve placed a tracker on a wannabe BB-8 droid? And now we know exactly where Obi-Wan Kenobi is going? My bad. You can live. For now.

“There can be no mistakes. You’re certain the tracker is with him?”

This other inquisitor from the Fast and Furious movies is ready to replace you. You’re sure the tracker is accurate?

Star Wars just made huge progress in its treatment of Black characters

Part 5

“I am not interested in civilities. Where is he?”

Less talk, Third Sister. More Kenobi.

“You have done well. Kneel, Grand Inquisitor.”

Definitely going to try to kill you later, my dear Third Sister.

“Set a course, Captain. We leave for Jabiim at once.”

Stupid Jedi. They never had their own personal pilots like I do. My empire is grand.

“Lock down the facility.”

Now you’re the one in a dark can, Kenobi. Have a taste.

“It is not them we need to break. Launch the attack.”

Rebels, smebels. Bring me Kenobi.

“Tell her to stand down. Kenobi is already ours.”

Tell the Third Sister thanks for trapping Kenobi. I’ll destroy them both now. Thanks.

“Where is he? I will bring him in myself.”

Obi-Wan is living in my damaged head rent free. Better not let the Emperor know about this.

“He was wise to use you against me.”

Obi-Wan is very wise. But I’m wiser. Anything he can do I can do better.

“Did you really believe I did not see it, youngling? You are of no further use.”

Of course I knew you were a former child Jedi, youngling, and I killed all your friends when I fell to the Dark Side. I never forget a face. I’m Darth Vader.

Part 6

“Increase firepower.”

Do we ever actually hit our targets?

“That’s him.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi — I’d know that guy anywhere. Did I ever tell you what he did to me on Mustafar?

“He is not just any Jedi. Follow Kenobi.”

Clearly this is personal.

“Prepare my ship. I will face him alone.”

I’m a better pilot than all of you anyway. You should have seen me podrace as a kid.

“Have you come to destroy me, Obi-Wan?”

This is starting to become a thing with you.

“Then you will die!”

Hopefully.

“Your strength has returned. But the weakness still remains. And that is why you will always lose.”

(This is actually a very cool Darth Vader line. One of the best ever, actually. No translation needed here.)

“Did you truly think that you could defeat me? You have failed, Master.”

I should probably check underneath all of this rock to make sure Obi-Wan is actually done for. That always comes back to bite me. He’s already behind me lunging with a lightsaber isn’t he?

“Anakin is gone. I am what remains.”

All that is left of me is a monster in a black case of emotions.

“I am not your failure, Obi-Wan. You didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker. I did. The same way, I will destroy you!”

It’s not you. It’s me. But you still must be destroyed.

“Obi-Wan! Obi-Waaaaan!”

I can’t scream KENOBIIIIIIIIII because that’s Darth Maul’s thing. That guy wishes he was me.

“The probes are tracking every system within range. We will destroy everything in our path until he is found.”

I can’t believe I let Obi-Wan rope-a-dope me into thinking he was weak. Now I have to try to eliminate him. Again.

“He will not evade me again. Kenobi means nothing. I serve only you, my Master.”

Can you tell I’m in my feelings right now, Master? You’re lucky I still take your calls after what happened to Padme. Obi-Wan told me not to trust politicians.

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