We said it up front: We ripped this week’s contest for altered band names right off Twitter. Here’s the thread of contributions so far under the hashtag #RemoveALetterRuinABand. Most of the contributions aren’t very funny or clever; a few are funny but not clever. Not because Twitter posters aren’t clever (well, there is that) but because the thread — as well as, to some extent, the limit on tweet lengths — doesn’t allow for creativity.

Good thing we’re here. We offer 19th-century turnaround time — Elizabeth Bennet could post a letter to Mr. Darcy in Derbyshire and get a snarky response, three times over, in the period I take to get around to looking at the entries and running the results — but you do get more of an opportunity to flaunt your skill at humor writing. And the chance to compete for limited-edition Bob Staake artworks: Only 100 of these sculptures were made, and only 500 of this print and this print. There are also only 100 of this Staake textile art, though we might put some more on the loom.

Of course, you might be too funny and end up with a bobblehead of the Lincoln Memorial statue, or of a dayglo orange web belt embroidered with letters that sort of form Rolling Stones song names. It’s a risk. In fact, I was surprised to find, from a scan of Elden Carnahan’s One-Hit Wonders list on the Loser Stats page at nrars.org, that something like 87 people have won the whole contest but have never gotten another blot of ink, plus a few more who’ve won only the second-place gag prize. (Most shockingly, a full four hundred Losers were runners-up with their only ink, about 1 in 7 of the One-Hit Wonders.)

You saw him here first: Bob Staake, TV star

Hey, those magnets might be getting valuable: If you saw the baseball All-Star Game last week, you might have seen this commercial for Intel in which Bob uses a “2-in-1” notebook/tablet (I think it’s an HP Split) to both write and create artwork. Fortunately, the in­cred­ibly efficient Bobmeister can get his Invite work out of the way in about 3.2 seconds, because the photo shoot turned out to be an enormous production, involving the takeover of his Cape Cod home studio for several days by dozens of crew members, plus several other location shoots. Here’s a piece about it by Publishers’ Weekly, which notes that the commercial happens to coincide with the release of Bob’s new picture book, “My Pet Book.” Which is not a book about pets, but a book about a pet book. (He does sign copies you send to him, and even draws something along with his signature — see here and scroll down for directions.)

Hyphen fun yet? The results of Week 1078

Maybe it was a vacation week, or maybe there were too many restrictions and requirements (having to say what publication you got each entry from, plus which words you used?), but Week 1078 drew only about half the usual number of entrants, and very few new ones. Still, the Core Constituency produced a fine set of neologisms, though the ink wasn’t spread around as much as usual — the 36 entries getting ink this week are credited to only 18 entrants, none of them a First Offender.

Mike Gips has to find room for yet another Inkin’ Memorial, his seventh win in all; his last was from the Mess With Your Heads contest of Week 1069. His winning pun — managing to create tasteful enough humor with a pointed allusion to a horrible disaster — gives him his 160th blot of ink, along with three honorable mentions to add to Mike’s rapidly spreading puddle.

Of course, a vacation and a visit to his wife’s family in Greece isn’t going to stop Kevin Dopart from sending a full complement of entries. I’m fully confident that if Kevin set to climbing K-2, I’d get weekly e-mails from a series of higher and then lower elevations. Kevin gets his 9,894th piece of junk from this contest — actually, the “We the People Are Piffed” T-shirt, donated by Nan Reiner, is a compellingly wearable prize.

It’s the 22nd ink above the fold for Pam Sweeney — who ended up with five inking entries this week, for a total of 237 — as did Chris Doyle, who’s won even more junk than Kevin but wisely asks that we no longer send it to him.

Writing entries in blue ink: One man, a font of unprintables

My “Conversational Only” section of my short list ended up with several colorful entries, but they all turned out to be from the same person. I can’t say I was shocked. If you are likely to be, please skip the following.

All from the totally out of control Thomas W. Witte:

Head-adelphia: The City of Otherly Love.
Faux-membering: Making use of a strap-on.
Pink-Mart: A brothel.
And then, in one grand effusion:
Se-ment: A bonding material, sometimes for life. An adhesive you don’t necessarily want to stick. Plaster of pairing. Dickum. Nutty putty. Screwcilage. An ad”he”sive. “C”lant.

That is SO all.