(Click here to skip down to the winning “children” from Week 1221)
It’s not clear how much effect last weekend’s March for Science will have on the current administration — budget director Mick Mulvaney said of federal climate science programs, “We consider that to be a waste of your money to go out and do that” — but one thing is certain: There were a lot of great protest signs.
“Think While It’s Still Legal.”
“What do we want? Evidence-based science! When do we want it? After peer review!”
“Got Polio? Me Neither. Thanks, Science!”
And a picture of Planet Earth with the slogan “I’m With Her.”
But surely scientists aren’t the only community that can step up wittily for its cause. This week: Suggest a march for some group or field, along with one or more slogans. (You might also, or instead, comment on the march with some pertinent wordplay.) Be sure to Google your slogan to make sure it’s not all over a bunch of T-shirts already.
Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1225 (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a perhaps unique figurine of an elephant made mostly from varnished peach pits. Donated by Ur-Loser Elden Carnahan.
Other runners-up win our new “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, May 8; results published May 28 (online May 25). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. “The Ideas of March” was a comment by Loser Diane Wah in a Style Invitational Devotees thread about a pondered March for Math. “Putting on heirs” in the headline for this week’s results was submitted by both Jon Gearhart and Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
In Week 1221 we asked you to muse upon what the offspring of any two people through history (or fiction) — this time including same-sex couples — would be like.
The child of Michelangelo and Banksy would paint the outside of the Sistine Chapel.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
The child of Donald Trump and Steve Jobs would be happy to grab your PC.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Fifty percent of people would love the child of Ray Romano and Ted Cruz.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
The child of Paul Simon and Henry VIII could recommend 51 ways to leave your lover.
(Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)
The child of William the Conqueror and John James Audubon would publish the Victorious Egret catalogue. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
The child of Benito Mussolini and Britney Spears would be a train wreck that runs on time. (Jim Derby, Rockville, Md.)
The child of Paul Ryan and Bob Vila would tear out all your plumbing fixtures, put an outhouse in your backyard, and call it a huge improvement. (Duncan Stevens)
The child of Jared Kushner and Caitlyn Jenner would reinvent the federal government, bring peace to the Middle East, defeat ISIS, oversee construction of a border wall with Mexico, replace the Affordable Care Act, and win the Olympic decathlon as both a man and as a woman. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
The child of Manute Bol and Patty Hearst would be tall, dark and ransomed. (Dave Matuskey)
The child of Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway would definitely not be named Oscar. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)
A son of The Donald and Elizabeth Barrett Browning would spend all his time counting the ways he loved himself. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
The child of Paul McCartney and Annie would sing “Today.” (Duncan Stevens)
The child of Mr. T and Gordon Ramsay will pity the food. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
The child of Mick Jagger and Roberto Durán would gather no más. (Dave Matuskey)
The child of Roberta Flack and Vladimir Putin will kill you softly with his polonium. (Michele Uhler, Fort Washington, Md.)
The child of Mike Tyson and Vladimir Putin would take a bite out of Crimea. (Dave Matuskey)
The child of Michael Flynn and Jenny McCarthy will never expect immunity. (Kevin Dopart)
The child of Scott Joplin and Levi Strauss would go from rags to britches. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
The toddler child of Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway would have to wear fireproof Pull-Ups. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
For the child of Lazarus and Donald Trump, death and taxes wouldn’t be certain. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
If a child had been born to William Strunk and E.B. White, they would be he or she. (Dave Matuskey)
The child of George Gallup and Frank Luntz will be bipolar. (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.)
The child of Marcel Marceau and Norman Bates would keep mum. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
The child of Prince and Jeffrey Dahmer would be a purple people eater. (Leigh Giza, Bristow, Va.)
Any children Mike Pence had with Greta Garbo would want to be left alone, but with a chaperon. (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)
In the delivery room, after the birth of their seventh child, Ron Popeil would encourage Nadya Suleman by shouting, “But wait, there’s more!” (Seth Tucker, Washington)
The child of Archimedes and Paul Simon would find 50 ways to love his lever. (Chris Doyle)
I’m afraid that the child of Cleopatra and Ronald McDonald would have asp-burger syndrome. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.; Neal Starkman, Seattle)
If Donald Duck married Annie Oakley, their kid would be a quack shot. (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.)
The child of Harpo Marx and Marcel Marceau would commit unspeakable acts. (Jeff Shirley)
The child of Helen Hunt and Gregory Peck would be a great actor but a slow typist. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
The child of Ivanka Trump and Mahatma Gandhi would make millions of dollars selling designer loincloths. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
The child of Johnny Cash and Paul Ryan would take away your health care just to watch you die. (Robert Schechter)
The child of Lucrezia Borgia and John Chapman would go about spreading poison ivy seeds. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
The child of Mata Hari and Hannibal would double-cross the Alps. (Warren Clements, Toronto)
The child of Mother Teresa and Don Rickles would feed starving children and then make fun of the way they chew. (Robert Schechter)
The child of Sisyphus and Mr. Whipple will be a fan of rock-and-roll. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
The child of Timothy Leary and Dick Van Dyke would always be tripping on the ottoman. (Dave Matuskey)
The child of Balaam and King David would have his ass in a sling. (Dudley Thompson)
The child of Deepak Chopra and Betsy DeVos would be om-schooled. (Chris Doyle)
Sadly, the child of Julian Assange and Chelsea Manning will turn out to be a chronic bed wetter. (David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)
The child of George Clooney and Joanne Free would have a very happy mom. (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)
The child of Carrot Top and . . . nah. (Michael Rolfe, Cape Town, South Africa)
Still running — deadline Monday night, May 1: Our contest to compare any two random items on a list we supplied. See bit.ly/invite1224.