For Christians with a sense of humor, “What Would Jesus Craft?” is a gift from the heavens. Ross MacDonald’s “30 simple projects for making a blessed home” walks that straight and narrow path between blasphemy and hilarity.
“There is practically no surface in our lives that can’t be beautified with some reminder of His ever watchful gaze,” MacDonald writes in his introduction to this immaculately conceived craft book.
As a longtime prop designer for movies and television shows, MacDonald knows all about the laying on of hands on a glue gun. Throw in an X-Acto knife and a hole punch, and behold the miracles! In these fully illustrated pages, he provides step-by-step instructions for making truly otherworldly crafts. Jesus may have turned water into wine, but MacDonald can turn a flowerpot into a Guardian Angel toilet paper cozy.
He begins, reverently enough, with a pair of leather Jesus sandals. “After trying these out myself,” he says, “I know one thing for sure — he had tougher soles that I do.”
If that sounds a bit too Sunday Schoolish, by the time you reach the “Fedora of Thorns,” you can smell the brimstone. MacDonald has an inspired eye for capturing America’s weird blend of holiness and kitsch. The “Belt of Truth, With Shield-of-Faith Buckle” is just a few golden rivets beyond what my peers and I wore at our Christian prep school back in the day.
The Infant-of-Prague Lucky Lottery Ticket Caddy from Ross MacDonald’s new book, “What Would Jesus Craft?” (Flatiron Books) By Chapter 2, “For Your Blessed Home,” the projects have clearly ascended into the realm of hilarity. MacDonald claims that his “Infant-of-Prague Lucky Lottery Ticket Caddy” is a “surefire, time-tested, scientifically proven, miraculous money and luck magnet, whether you are a Catholic or a normal Christian.” It’s also the funniest immaculate conception between a bundt pan and an angel that you’re likely to find this holiday season.
Even in my most pious school days, I’m not sure I could have carried off the “Last Supper Lunch Box.” But the most glorious project comes toward the end: “Jesus’s Pet Dinosaur Nacho Platter.” It serves as both a lovely snack plate for Super Bowl Sunday and a full-scale refutation of Darwinism. The picture of the Son of Man astride a brontosaurus is a revelation. Even MacDonald’s instructions make deadpan humor rise from the grave: Step 9: “Now finish by sanding the dinosaur smooth and painting him green with acrylic paint. While he’s drying, paint the details of our Lord.”
Clearly, “What Would Jesus Craft?” is not for everybody — many are called, but few are chosen — but you probably know some holy decoupage artist who would think this book is an answer to prayer.
Ron Charles is the editor of Book World. You can follow him on Twitter @RonCharles.
