(Click here to skip down to the winning ink blot interpretations from Week 1185)
“Sell The Post to a tech geek? Tee-hee!
That’s one thing we’re unlikely to see.”
Then along came Jeff Bezos
With 2 billion pesos,
And now it’s a fait accompli. (Nan Reiner, Week 1033)
Like clockwork — if your clock shows years — we present the latest Limerixicon, our annual check-in with OEDILF.com, the ever-continuing project by Chris J. Strolin and various henchpersons to compile a dictionary of limericks featuring every word in the English language. Currently the website has collected about 96,000 of the five-liners, with a projected completion date of Sept. 25, 2076. Last August Chris and pals were up to the ga- words. This week: Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with “ge-,” as in the example above by Nan Reiner that we’re repurposing from the fa-word contest three years ago. See bit.ly/limericks2016 for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter (in a nutshell: “perfect” rhyme, and a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1, 2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; plus “weak” syllables on either side). See OEDILF.com about submitting limericks there after this contest is over.
Submit entries at the website bit.ly/enter-invite-1189 (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a 1911 copy — that’s the date of the handwritten inscription — of “The Last Days of Pompeii” by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, famed for the line “It was a dark and stormy night” and for the annual bad-writing contest that bears his name. Sample prose from the 1834 novel: “Beautiful Ione!” said Arbaces, as he bent to touch her hand, “it is you that have eclipsed the day — it is your eyes that light up the halls — it is your breath which fills them with perfumes.” From Loser Elden Carnahan, who also includes a catalogue from a Bulwer-Lytton exhibition in England.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or our new Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 29; results published Sept. 18 (online Sept. 15). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules in addition to the limerick guide at bit.ly/limericks2016. The headline for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Dave Prevar. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
INK-CONCEIVABLE: THE RESULTS OF THE WEEK 1185 BLOT CONTEST
In Week 1185 the Empress asked you to interpret any of five genuine symmetrical inkblots (you could turn them upside down or sideways; they’re right side up at the top of this page, and upside down in the smaller picture at lower left). We did promise not to psychoanalyze you, but man — some of you out there are likely to keep the shrink business thriving.
Blot 5 (upside down): Popeye’s grandmother still enjoyed flying the trapeze, although spectators wished she would wear a sports bra. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
Blot 5: Kilroy looks a little worse for wear these days. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
and the stegosaurus/dragon hat:
Blot 3: “I am the Walrus, and I’m ready to PARTY!” (David Franks, Greenland, Ark.)
Blot 2 (upside down): The OB/GYN knew he shouldn’t be playing at work, but he was pretty excited to find a Pokemon sitting atop his patient’s uterus. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Pressing leaves and flowers between the pages of a book can produce lovely keepsakes. Not so much with moths. (Jerry Birchmore, Springfield, Va.)
For the rest of the Blot 1 entries, look at the upside-down image:
A Stetson-wearing “good guy” double-fists two of the latest multi-clip auto-load fast-discharge combination grenade-launcher/bazooka/assault rifles with switchblade bayonets. Oh, sorry. SELF-DEFENSE rifles! (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
The new sheriff misunderstood the term “pushing up daisies.” (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Blot 1 upside down seems awfully . . . interested in Blot 5 upside down. (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
A short-armed cowboy with an archaeopteryx in each hand: Tyrannosaurus Tex. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
Proof that even men with big hands can have problems down there. (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento, Calif.)
In an effort to attract a more diverse fan base, the new Dallas Cowboys logo features a buckaroo in chaps toting two feather boas. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond)
A Pilgrim shows off the two turkeys he bagged for Thanksgiving dinner. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
A map of Virginia’s 8th congressional district. (Martin Smith, McLean, Va., a First Offender)
(Upside down) Mia Hamm’s ultrasound. (David Patch, Toledo, Ohio)
D.C. was much more crime-ridden back when the first panda came to town. (Mike Gips)
To add “fun” to the game, Major League Baseball is requiring catchers to wear mitts on both hands. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
After retiring its dancing elephants, Ringling Bros. tried featuring stone crabs that juggle. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
Campaign ads have become so noxious that Nielsen offers gas masks as part of its TV survey gear. (David Patch)
(Upside down) Aerial view of Nationals Park during the seventh inning; note the exodus of fans and crowding at subway stations. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
Proverb for the Apocalypse: From little acorns grow mighty oak-crab monsters. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
The entrance to the “Tunnel of Love” at Trump Immigrant World amusement park. (Mark Raffman)
The Cheshire Cat found it easy, if not pleasant, to disappear into freshly paved asphalt. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
Two snails racing down Main Street USA to see the Disney fireworks. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
The new North Korean fighter jet is so slow, geese can keep up with it. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Trump’s attempt to clone himself for vice president went awry. (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
At the stoplight, Ginger finally caught the car. (Tom Logan, Sterling, Va., a First Offender)
Chucky gives two thumbs up after being hired by Putin to terrorize Clinton’s campaign. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
They’ve finally identified the actual Devil that’s in the details! (Beverley Sharp)
Blot 3 upside down plus Blot 5 right side up: The finalists in the GOP Angry Elephant logo contest. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
The only known collaboration between Georgia O’Keeffe and Jackson Pollock. (Drew Bennett)
Exacting vengeance on the pin that spoiled the perfect 300 game, thanks to the open-carry law. (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)
On the road after leaving her husband for the last time, Lorena Bobbitt saw a spider on the car seat next to her. (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)
In Hasbro’s “Chess for Millennials,” the bishops shoot lightning bolts. (Mark Raffman)
The pressure of the campaign finally gets to Melania. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio, Tex.)
After gender reassignment surgery, Pig-Pen was pretty much the same person. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
(Upside down) Overhead view of Popeye bowing to the porcelain god after some bad spinach. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Why lobsters shouldn’t skip Leg Day at the gym. (Hildy Zampella)
Discovered: the root cause of The Donald’s anger: yuge hemorrhoids. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Rare X-ray of a sweet tooth reveals a tiny, heart-shaped sugar lump at the core. (Kimberly Baer, Woodbridge, Va.)
ALL FIVE: Running over all these Style Invitational prizes had zero effect on their market value. (Jeff Martin, Rockville, Md.)
Still running — deadline Monday, Aug. 22: Our contest to describe a concept in one-syllable words. See bit.ly/invite1188.