(Click here to skip down to the results of our Week 1173 contest for wordplays on food)
Meet Donald, likely nominee, failing up from bankruptcy,
But Sarah just carries his torch, has only seen countries she can see from her porch,
What a crazy pair!
But they’re cousins, identical cousins all the way.
Self-regarding in matching mirrors, pro and protege.
Where Donald adores a marble lobby, and firing people is his hobby,
Our Sarah loves to fire a gun, or skin a bear just for fun,
What a wild duet!
Still they’re cousins, identical cousins, and you’ll find
They think alike, they quote alike, they even self-promote alike —
You can lose your mind
When opportunists . . . are two of a kind!
That nifty parody of the “Patty Duke Show” theme was not by one of our regular Loserbards, but by Tom Toles, The Post’s Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist. Tom posted it along with this cartoon on his blog, where 66-time Loser Dion Black saw it and showed the Empress, reminding her that we wouldn’t want to miss out on the chance to sing about this election. This week: Write a song related to this year’s elections, set to a familiar tune. In the online Invite I’ll link to clips of the original songs (or to your own clips, if you submit them), but you’re more likely to get ink in the print version if you use a very well-known tune (and write short). You get an extra week for this: Deadline is Monday night, June 13. We did this contest for the 2008 election as well; see the fantabulous results at bit.ly/invite789 (scroll down to see the results).
NEW: No more emailing entries! Instead, submit them at this website: subpl.at/INVITE1177. It’s super-easy.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a Political Twin Pack: a Time-Life DVD of “Presidential Bloopers,” including footage of Ford stumbling off Air Force One, Reagan dozing off in a news conference, and George H.W. Bush falling to his knees on a bowling lane; plus the Mixed-Up Politician “magnetic poetry” set — 200 little magnetic words and phrases like “a thousand points of light,” “sexual relations” and “stops here.” Donated by Nan Reiner.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or a vintage Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, June 13; results published June 26 (online June 23). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Roy Ashley; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jon Gearhart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
In Week 1173 we asked you to slightly change the name of a food or brand of food and describe the result. Lots of entries this week, but so many were past their sell-by date (“I Scream: Desserts for scary movies”) or just plain undercooked (“Beerios: Cheerios with beer in them”). Fortunately, the Empress is an intrepid shopper and came home with a nice basket of these.
S’moron: A chocolate graham cracker sandwiched between two toasted marshmallows. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Crap ’n’ Crunch: The Breakfast of Multitaskers. (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento, Calif.)
Lawnuts: Extract from shell at own risk. Must be 18 to use oven. We are not responsible for burns or allergies. By baking with this product, you waive your right to a jury trial. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Phlegm in meringue pie: What you get when you’re nasty to your waitress. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
Chili con ’kay, so? Bland Mexican food. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington, Va.)
More neigh sauce: We can’t tell you the secret ingredient . . . (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Oyster spew: Served in months without an R (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
Honey-glazed pasties: Favorite treat at the Secret Service party. (William Kennard, Arlington)
FriToes: Corns chips. (Mike Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)
Flay of sole: An old Gitmo favorite, made with enhanced preparation techniques. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Pop Secrete: It’s self-buttering! (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Collie flour: What hot dog buns are made from. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Berned toast: Hillary’s first choice for breakfast (Caroline Warfel, Exton, Pa., a First Offender)
Egg McNuthin’: Scrambled egg whites, veggie sausage and soy cheese on a gluten-free bun. (Ed Sobansky, Bowie, Md., a First Offender)
Couch potato salad: A cookie crumb/ crushed-chip/ popcorn kernel blend vacuumed from under the sofa cushions. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
Colonel B. Sanders Chicken: Not only will there be a free chicken in every pot, you’ll also get a free pot. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)
WETAbix: Cracker that increases both sex drive and pledge drive. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Crime of Wheat: Cereal you ate during Passover. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Trumpkin Pie: With its vibrant orange color and assertiveness, it is very popular, though not quite as rich as it appears. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
Pasta PrimaBerra: It’s 90 percent pasta and the other half is vegetables. (Tom Witte)
“Sesame” Chicken: Who knew Big Bird would be so tender and juicy? (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
Peeking duck: It’s not a good sign when your dinner casts a baleful eye at you. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Gop Tarts: Only one flavor is still available, and now it’s subject to a manufacturer’s recall. (Frank Mann, Washington)
Egg too yung: A fried chicken embryo. (Chris Doyle)
“First we swat ’em, then we pot ’em.
Salt their bodies, top to bottom.
Crispy, tasty, nice and lean:
French flies are your haute cuisine.” (Neal Starkman, Seattle)
Spandexopita: Rich tarts served at big, big, fat, fat Greek weddings. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)
Feelawful: A giant platter of fried chickpeas with chickpea sauce on chickpea bread. (Edward Gordon, Austin)
McTheDonald’s: New home of the whopper. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Oysters Blockafella: Not reputed to be so much of an aphrodisiac. (Danielle Nowlin)
Mr./Ms. Peanut: May or may not include nuts. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Porn flakes: And you thought alphabet soup was fun! (Jack McCombs, Fairfax, Va.)
Kvetch of the day: The menu item that boasts zero satisfied customers. (Mark Briscoe, Alexandria, Va.)
Wander Bread: Manna. (Gary Crockett)
Rantatouille: Made with really steamed vegetables! (Frank Osen)
Scrimp cocktail: Imitation shellfish and ketchup. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Chilean Seabiscuit: On a French menu, it’s listed under “Fruits de Mare.” (Christopher Lamora)
Buffalo wins: The recipe for this tailgating snack is so tricky, it is now enjoyed only on very rare occasions. (John Hutchins)
Pupu Splatter: An even less appetizing appetizer than the original. (Dave Matuskey)
WaPo’ Boy: A dish of crow eaten by many a Style Invitational entrant. (Jeff Shirley)
Still running — deadline Tuesday night, May 31: Our contest for funny lines in obituaries. See bit.ly/invite1176.