Fourth place: by Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va. (From "Mark Trail," by James Allen, North America Syndicate, altered by Bob Staake for The Washington Post))

(Click here to skip down to the winners of the contest to change or add a line to a comic strip panel )

Elect Bert from “Sesame Street”: It’s time, after all these years, to have a man of letters in the White House. (Stephen Dudzik, Peter Metrinko, Week 782, October 2008)

Vote Benedict Arnold for president: Now here’s a candidate who has really fought for change in American government! (Rick Wood)

What voters want above all else is consistency, and no one else on the ballot can match tapioca pudding in that regard . . . (Brendan Beary)

Honorable mention: by Kevin Dopart, Washington (From "Judge Parker," by Wilson and Manley, North America Syndicate, altered by Bob Staake for The Washington Post))

Eight years ago — a few weeks before 60 million U.S. citizens would vote for a certain hockey mom to become the president of the United States in case a bad thing happened to her would-be boss, a man in his mid-70s — The Style Invitational offered some other options. In Week 782, the Empress printed a 16-item list of potential candidates, including Bert, Benedict and Tapioca, and asked the Loser Community to explain why any of them should be president.
This year, as both of the presumptive (evidently a word meaning “icky”) nominees are among the least popular candidates in history, it’s surely time again for the Invite to produce some alternative candidates, as Loser Jerry Birchmore suggested to the Empress. But this year we’ll take nominations from the floor. This week: Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. Note to the humor-impaired: The Style Invitational is a humor contest.


Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1184

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a cool rubber doorstop that looks like a big red splat of goo. Donated by Roy and Inge Ashley.

Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or a vintage Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday, July 25; results published Aug. 14 (online Aug. 11). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The “Retooning” headline is by Chris Doyle; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

RETOONING: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1180

In Week 1180 we invited you to choose any comic strip or panel that appeared in The Post, in print or online, over a 12-day period, and either (a) add or replace a line of dialogue or (b) provide a question that a line in the comic could answer (it didn’t have to be said to the character in the strip). The links below on the comics’ names show you the original strips.

For the unhinged door-opener: a splatty-looking doorstop, this week's second prize.
4th place:

Original line: Deep in northwestern Cameroon, near the Ni­ger­ian border, lies a killer! (“Mark Trail”)
The Jungle Cafe doesn’t offer a single gluten-free entree! (Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va.)

3rd place:

A. I’d never forget it if you guys cleaned out the garage for me. (From “Blondie”)
Q. What’s a really weird way to ask for a colonoscopy appointment? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place

and the fabulous noodly beanie:

A. I hate trying to depose millennials. (From “Dustin”)
Q. What did President Obama mutter about Kim Jong Un? (Steve Honley, Washington)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

I’m the least racist person you’ll ever meet. (“Doonesbury,” actual Trump quote)
Added line: “I’m so not racist, let me tell you, I won’t even let those Mexicans who clean my buildings use Spic and Span.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

Median strips:
honorable mentions

A. With my bare hand? (“Zits,” )
Q. What did Paul Ryan say when advisers told him to have a friendly handshake with Donald Trump? (Duncan Stevens)

A. I play the whimsical dung beetle. (“Baby Blues”)
Q. Is there any odder-named musical instrument than the sackbut? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Behold the power of Chad! “Big Nate”)
How might the Supreme Court have tweeted its Bush v. Gore ruling? (Steve Honley)

It’s days like this I wish I was a dentist! (“Hagar the Horrible”)
What’s the last thing you want to hear during your root canal surgery? (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

Well, I’d like to give him a shot, anyway. (“Dustin”)
“I know that crying infants on airplanes annoy you, but don’t you think vodka is a little drastic?” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Is the hour up? I’m about to explode! (“Baby Blues”)
“I’m sorry, Secretary Clinton, but your opponent insisted there be no ‘disgusting’ bathroom breaks allowed during the debate.” (Annette Green, Lexington, Va.)

I now control the one thing I most need to fulfill my destiny! (“Prince Valiant”)
How did Hillary Clinton say thank you to Bernie Sanders after he told his supporters to vote for her? (Lawrence McGuire)

Hey, I don’t know if you’ve noticed — I can’t fly. (“The Amazing Spider-Man”)|
But you can still buy plenty of guns, right? (Frank Mann, Washington)

We look forward to topping it next year. (“Blondie”)
Why did you order a large plain pizza for this year’s Procrastinators’ Club annual dinner? (Stuart Backer, Falls Church, Va.)

You’re the most brilliant human alive.
. What’s the one phrase Donald Trump’s parrot can say perfectly? (John Hutchins)

Let’s try this classic from the ’80s. (“Sherman’s Lagoon”)
Added line: “Okay, fine, I get it. I’ll clean out the pantry tomorrow.” (Mark Raffman)

Let’s have Mexican tonight. (“Mother Goose and Grimm”)
“Mr. Trump, who are you going to bash in your next speech: immigrants, Muslims or women?” (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

A recent study found that one in four people would date a robot. (“Mike du Jour”)
At least I’d know what buttons to push. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

I shall take her by the hand, and invite her to have a root beer with me. ( “Peanuts” )
What did Kanye West probably not say to himself when he saw Kim Kardashian? (Duncan Stevens)

You should know that owning one of my own would be close to a religious experience for me. (“Baby Blues”)

What did David Koch say while shopping for his first congressman? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

I heard some talk about it a while ago. I’m glad they’re finally doing it. (“Mary Worth”)
What did no mother ever say about her teenage daughter and her boyfriend? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Yeah. (“Overboard”)
Speaker Ryan, are you excited about supporting the nominee? (Duncan Stevens)

Thank God I’m stoned. (“Doonesbury”)
What four words never came out of the mouth of an Old Testament adulteress? (Lawrence McGuire)

A nice home, good health and relative financial security? ( “Zits”)
Can you name the three elements of the American Pipe Dream? (Lawrence McGuire)

I think that story is going to blow up into something big. (“Judge Parker”)
What was Donald Trump’s response when he heard that Hillary Clinton had French toast for breakfast? (Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.)

I couldn’t have done either if I didn’t wield the wondrous Wand of Watoomb. (“The Amazing Spider-Man”)
Mr. Cuccinelli, how did you manage to support an invasive medical procedure and alienate more than half the voters in Virginia? (Mark Raffman)

Oh, yes, he’s always been very willing to do nothing for me. (“Pickles”)
“Did you really call Senator Sanders “helpful,” Secretary Clinton?” (John O’Byrne, Dublin)

Here’s a letter for you with postage due. (“Beetle Bailey”)
“My time machine works! Is it really 1956?” (Kevin Tingley, Vienna, Va.)

Which consist of a broken broom and two worn-out hats. (“Broom Hilda”)
“I’m making a will to say who gets all my Style Invitational prizes . . .” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

“Never have I seen such a disgusting example of kissin’ up to an adult!” (“Curtis”)
Yeah, but the Empress has to have a soft spot somewhere . . . (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

Still running — deadline Monday night, July 18: our contest for “honest” statements. See bit.ly/invite1183.

Remember: To enter this week’s contest for an alternative presidential candidate, use this link: bit.ly/enter-invite-1184