(Click here to skip down to the winning Fib mini-poems.)
Googleyup: “chocolate covered lettuce”
Googleyup: “chocolate covered steak”
Googleyup: “chocolate covered sand”
Googleyup: “chocolate covered Volkswagen Beetle parked in front of a supermarket in China”
Googlenope: “chocolate covered poached mouse fetuses on a lightly toasted poppy-seed bagel with a schmear” — from a list by Gene Weingarten, 2007
Googleyup: “Trump is completely honest.” (The one hit: “Trump is completely honest about his probable future dishonesty.”)
Googleyup: “Twitter brings me peace of mind.” (The one hit: “Lately, staying off Twitter brings me peace of mind.”) — both from Gene Weingarten, 2018
At a comely age 25, the Style Invitational has grown up — and here’s the only way you’ll see “Style Invitational” with “grown up” — with Google. And the Invite has played with the search engine in various ways, as has Washington Post humor columnist Gene Weingarten (who until 2003 carried on an intimate, whispered-about relationship with the Empress’s predecessor, the Czar).
In 2007 Gene coined the term “Googlenope,” a word or phrase that generates no Google hits at all, while discovering “Queen Elizabeth’s buttocks,” “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-esque” and “Nelson Mandela is a doo-doo head.” The same year, the Style Invitational Losers tried it for Week 717 (winner: “That controversial ‘Gilligan’s Island’ episode” by Malcolm Fleschner). And as late as 2010, Loser Mark Richardson found no hits for “Nobody understands me like my husband” or “Nobody understands me like my wife.”
We’ve also had contests for Googlewhacks — a single hit — and Googillions, phrases that drew more than 1 million hits (“Trump has the same hair on his behind” — J. Larry Schott, 2009). But we never got around to doing the variation that Gene dubbed Googleyups: phrases that surprisingly do have one or more hits out there, if only to negate the sentiment, as in the examples above from Gene’s column just last weekend.
Obviously, finding unique and interesting hits on Google is a lot harder in 2018 than in 2010, and it was hard then. So the E is broadening her search parameters, so to speak. This week: Find us either a Googlenope — a phrase in quotation marks that generates no previous hits — or a Googleyup, a phrase that surprisingly does have hits. You could even contrast a Googlenope with one or more Googleyups, as Gene did in 2007, or cite an ironic context for the Googleyup, as he did last week. If you come up with an actual Googlenope, note that with your entry.
Submit entries at the website wapo.st/enter-invite-1305 .
Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. And speaking of Pulitzer-Winning Juvenile Armpit-Farters, this week’s second prize was donated by Dave Barry, who got it from a fan. It’s a nice manly barbecue apron, probably from 2012, since “Meat Romney” is embroidered onto it. What’s manly about it? Well, lurking behind a dish towel attached to the front of the apron is a pendulous foot-long fabric, um . . . as Dave says: “It is difficult to describe this item without using the word ‘penis,’ but I will try: This is a novelty apron mining the rich, never-gets-old humor vein that is 2012 election humor.” Warning: Before the Empress will award this prize, the winner must attest in writing to having no taste whatsoever. Otherwise, the E will substitute something more decorous and mature, like a plastic dog turd.
Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship” (or perhaps a new design). Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 19; results published Dec. 9 (online Thursday, Dec. 6). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Chris also wrote this week’s honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress's weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter the Googlenopes/Googleyups contest, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
EASY AS 1,1,2,3 ...: INKING FIB(ONACCI) POEMS
In Week 1301 we asked for Fibs, poems whose syllables per line follow the mathematical Fibonacci sequence of 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8.
I am no hater,
As long as you’re a dictator.” — D.J.T, Washington
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
But that doughy scent . . .
I’m a gluten for punishment.
(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
and the giant rattlesnake mug:
Men at Trump
Rallies? Friends guffawed:
“The odds are good; the goods are odd.”
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)
Tale from those plush rooms;
I can no longer eat mushrooms.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna Va.)
Of course it’s a hoax!
Mar-a-Lago is just fine, folks.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
Was once filled with dread
To find a horseface in his bed.
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)
My nerves for trauma:
Now I’m a wreck. Thanks, Obama.
“Boohoo . . .
What dead guy?”
While the world hollers,
Donald counts his petrodollars.
Together we’ll grow,
Eating either turkey or crow.
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
The horse knows the way
“Wait, where’s my phone? Oh no, go back!”
(Kristin Braly, Baltimore, a First Offender)
Two peas in a pod.
One thinks he’s czar; the other, God.
(Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.)
If flustered, don’t fret:
Get in touch with your inner Brett.
(Marcus Bales, Cleveland)
Should just be ignored!
Except for Christine Blasey Ford.” — Sen. Susan Collins
Are so hard to sift,
My go-to source is Taylor Swift.
Alone I will be.
Because love means nothing to me.
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
I’ll be fine.
Don’t feel guilty, son.
I’m used to loneliness. Have fun.
(Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)
I like beer.”
This Supreme Court push
Was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch.
To her coach:
“I want a workout
So I can knock that frat jerk out.”
Made it cool again
To proudly be a hooligan. -- S. Miller
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
At your price
(The top of earners!)
No dice. (Nats’ owners -- slow Lerners).
French Lawmaker Proposes Bill to Outlaw Mockery of Accents
Dissing bad accents:
Wish they’d told my high school teacher.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
That got ink for the
Style Invitational Losers.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 12: our “what if” contest. wapo.st/invite1304 .
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