(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

(Click here to skip down to the winning portmanteau words)

Neil Armstrong hated Tang. (Russell Beland)

The act of eating celery burns more calories than it contains. (Chris Sonnenberg)

In Switzerland, it’s American cheese that’s sold with holes in it. (Mike Hammer)

Before World War II, Almond Joy candy bars contained real joy. (Russell Beland)

Because there simply is not enough misinformation in the world about this subject, our latest bogus-trivia contest concerns one of the Empress’s favorite subjects: This week: Tell us some comically false “fact” about food, drink or dining, as in the examples above from our general bogus-trivia contest back in 2007.

Submit entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1345 (all lowercase).

Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, apropos of this contest, an especially handsome hardcover book calledThe Book of Random Oddities,” which focuses mostly on odd words and fascinating word origins. Presumably these aren’t fictoids and are pretty much truoids. Donated by Duncan Stevens. And also apropos of this contest, we’ll throw in a bag of a snack called “Brussel Sprout Puffs,” which probably aren’t as bad as they sound, but still. They are not puffy sprouts, it turns out, but instead contain (correctly spelled this time) “Brussels sprout powder.” Donated by Loser Daphne Steinberg.

Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 26; results published Sept. 15 in print, Sept. 12 online. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Kevin Dopart; Chris Doyle wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check out this week’s at wapo.st/conv1345 .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

AT WITS’ BLEND: NEW PORTMANTEAU WORDS FROM WEEK 1341

In Week 1341 the Empress asked for new portmanteau words, in which two words are mashed together, along with a description of the result. Because she did this contest years ago with words beginning with certain letters, this week’s words had to begin with E through R. Which means no magnet for Marli Melton for “Chrysanthemummy: The gift plant I’ve forgotten to water since last fall.” 

4th place:

Exterminature: The EPA’s new rallying cry. . (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)


Even with just one Brussel, these snacks might be totally tasty. If you win them, let us know. (veganrobs.com)

3rd place:

Quacknowledgment: Inconspicuous disclaimer on a suspect supplement. “Gargling with Dr. Zo’s fermented yak urine is not intended to treat, cure or prevent any disease.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

2nd place and the "0.0" non-marathon auto decal:

Forty-Fivan the Terrible: The worst leader Russia ever installed. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:


Random oddity: In the Civil War, a "Quaker gun" was a tree trunk made to look like a cannon.

Muellerotica: "If we had confidence that the earth did not move or that an explosion did not erupt through her as every cell in her body screamed 'Yes!' we would have said so." (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Nitwitticisms: Honorable mentions

Eclair de lune: A midnight snack. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

Electrickle: The rate at which your phone charges when you’re in a hurry. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick, Md.)

Epidermisery: The zit you got on the day of the prom. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Erratatas: “I said I wanted them D-CUP size, not TEACUP size!” (Danielle Nowlin)

Esophagusto: The verve of enthusiasm that produces a world-class belch. “Dad announced his presence with great esophagusto.” (Jesse Frankovich)

Frenchilada: A crepe topped with fromage, sauce tomate and a sneer. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.; Mark Raffman)

Fubarista: Starbucks employee who never gets your order right. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Garbagel: A bagel not from New York. — Every New Yorker (Rivka Liss-Levinson, Washington)

Geronimoron: A bungee jumper who forgets the cord. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

Glamphibian: An elegant swamp-dweller. “Touring the detention facility in satin jodhpurs, the Cabinet secretary’s wife looked positively glamphibious.” (Frank Osen)

Gonadvertising: Posting pictures of your junk. (Jane Pacelli, Annandale, Va.)

Gorillama: A 300-pound tree-dwelling camelid of South America that not only spits in your face but throws poop in it, too. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

Gryffindork: Anyone over 16 dressed in Harry Potter regalia. (Mark Raffman)

G-Spotify: Now offering unlimited streaming of Barry White songs. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Halfalfa: What miniature horses eat. (Ben Aronin, Washington)

HastyFreeze: What happens to your brain when you scarf down the last of the ice cream rather than share it with your spouse who’s pulling up in the driveway. (Mike Burch, Nashville)

Hempiricism: The insistence on actually testing the medical claims for CBD. Also known as buzzkill. (Stuart Anderson, Seattle, a First Offender)

Hindquartermaster: That pain-in-the-neck in charge of the office supply room. (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)

Instagramps: Polaroid-sharing app. (Frank Mullen III)

Interimbecile: The fill-in numskull who botches things up until a permanent idiot can be found to ruin everything. (Frank Mann, Washington)

Jackassuredness: The dominant trait of that braggart at the bar. (Chris Murphy, Germantown, Md., a First Offender)

LeBrontë: Author of “6-8 Heights” and “Jane Eyre Ball.” (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Legislatortoise: A lawmaker who slow-walks bills. “McConnell is Congress’s leading legislatortoise.” (Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle)

Lethargymnastics: Turning over on the couch to get the remote. (Jesse Frankovich)

Maledictionary: Glossary of terms used by the president about Democrats, immigrants, the media and Rosie O’Donnell. (Mark Raffman)

Malapropaganda: Trump’s stirring speech about George Washington’s army taking over the airports. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Marathong: A sumo uniform. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

Marvelousy: How to describe a film with great special effects and horrible plot and acting. (Stuart Anderson)

Mastodonald: Weird-haired beast previously thought to be extinct, currently masquerading as an elephant. (Maggie Haring, Leesburg, Va.)

Mastiffany: A humongous engagement diamond. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Milkshakespearean: Someone who insists that Hamlet has to be white because he’s Danish. (Stuart Anderson)

Nemesisterhood: To Trump, the Squad. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

Newscasterisk: The scrolling banner at the bottom of the screen stating the truth vs. what the president just said. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

Normalodorous: Reflecting a level of corruption and greed that isn’t noteworthy anymore. “Cabinet members steering cash to family members is just the new normalodorous.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Partisanctimony: The righteous attitude of those smug bastards on the other side of the political spectrum. (Jesse Frankovich)

Pediatrickery: “You’ll just feel a little sting, sweetie, and then Nurse Ratched will give you a sticker.” (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

Peekabooboo: A wardrobe malfunction. (Frank Osen)

Persisterhood: Warren Women. (Maggie Haring)

Pooperfume: A scent so awful that they should have called it Chanel No. 2. (Chris Doyle)

Pundittos: A whole panel of cable news talking heads all saying the same thing. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

Purgency: The suddenness with which the toll of an all-night binge hits. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Randomicile: The result of your 4-year-old helping to put things away. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

Refrigerater: Consumer Reports’ coldest critic. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

And Last: Empressentials: Must not have been published before, must rhyme flawlessly, yada yada yada . . . (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)

And Even Laster: Kvetchotchkes: Swag so crummy that you complain about getting it. Like Style Invitational “prizes.” (Brett Dimaio, Cumberland, Md., who clearly doesn’t need a magnet)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 19: Our Limerixicon contest for limericks featuring a word beginning “gr-.” See wapo.st/invite1344.

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