At 40 go-rounds, it’s the most repeated Style Invitational contest over our almost 29-year history. Unlike the contest it’s vaguely modeled on, this one (like the Invite itself) passed from chief to chief without brouhaha (but, I hope, sufficient haha). This week: You are on “Jeopardy!”; above are various “answers.” You provide the questions, up to 25 of them to any or all. AND!!! “Jeopardy!” legend and now co-host Ken Jennings has volunteered — as he did last year — to weigh in on the Empress’s shortlist of Jeop-centric entries.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1457 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Oct. 18; results appear Nov. 7 in print, Nov. 4 online. See the entry form for easy formatting directions.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a real collector’s item: a mint-condition 2004-08 Style Invitational Loser T-shirt regifted by Invite GOAT Chris Doyle, who won it as one of his 188 runner-up prizes and never wore it, possibly because it’s a generous XL and Chris is a generous S. The pocket-dripping-ink motif was created by Bob Staake Himself based on a contest-winning idea by Sarah Worcester. Loser Steve Langer models his own shirt here; he sported it last month at the Losers’ Flushies awards.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Read Herrings” is by Chris Doyle; Jon Gearhart wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s at wapo.st/conv1457.
Read herrings: Misinterpreted book titles from Week 1453
In Week 1453 we asked you to add a subtitle to a book title that would totally change the subject of the book. Hundreds of the 2,200 entries were sent in by Captain Obvious and Friends; the Empress yawned through “A Farewell to Arms: The Story of Venus de Milo” or “A Brief History of Time: 100 Years of the Newsmagazine.” But the entries below woke her up.
One Hundred Years of Solitude: A Jewish Mother Waits for Her Son’s Weekly Visit (Bill Kullman, Washington, a First Offender)
As I Lay Dying: Memoirs of America’s Worst Standups (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
and the ‘naturally glowing edible scorpions’:
Left Behind: Thirty Days to a Better Butt (Vol. 1) (Seth Tucker, Washington)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
Silent Spring: The Year I Forgot About Valentine's Day (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Weakly readers: Honorable mentions
Go, Dog. Go! Ten Steps to Being the Perfect Wingman (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
1984: The Year That Gave Us Khloé Kardashian (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)
A Farewell to Arms: How to Fit More Chairs at the Dining Table (Melissa Muckenhirn, Urbana, Ill., a First Offender)
A Raisin in the Sun: The Grapes of Wrath, Part 2 (Luke Baker, Columbia, Md.)
All Creatures Great and Small: A Carnivore’s Cookbook (Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va.)
All Things Wise and Wonderful: Donald Trump, in My Own Words (Frank Mann, Washington)
And Then There Were None: How Three Persistent Kids Discover Where Mom Hid the Snickers (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Apples Never Fall: The Flat Earth Society’s Guide to Gravity (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.)
Captain Underpants: History’s Worst Commando Unit Leader (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
Catch-22: An Analysis of Last Season’s 601 Washington Football Team Passing Attempts (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)
Dial “M” for Murder: How Automated Messages Have Slowed Down 911 (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
Fahrenheit 451: A Guide to Precision Baking (Dan Galef, Tallahassee)
For Whom the Bell Tolls: A Former “Gong Show” Insider Tells All (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City, Md.)
Goodnight Moon: And Other Inappropriate Endings to Bad Dates (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)
Great Expectations: That One Week in June Before the Delta Variant Hit (Todd DeLap)
Harold and the Purple Crayon: A Child’s Guide to Creating Their First NFT (Marc Sasseville, Burke, Va.)
Hop on Pop: Do You Know How Much Caffeine Is in Your Mountain Dew? (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
Howard’s End: The Shock Jock Tells About His Colonoscopy (Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.)
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: . . . He’ll Ask for a Glass of Milk and Then Medicare: The Dangerous Creep of Socialism (Robin Rowland, Potomac, Md.)
It Ends With Us: 1001 Latin Singular Nouns (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Mark Twain: A Maryland Commuter’s Daily Nightmare, by E. Fudd (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)
Never Let Me Go: My Quest for the Guinness World Record for Urine Retention (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
No Exit: 101 Cures for Constipation (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
Smiley’s People: The Creators of Emoji (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
So Big: Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Covid Vaccine Memoir (Marty Gold, Arlington,Va., a First Offender)
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Delegate, Delegate, Delegate, Delegate, Delegate, Delegate, Delegate (Dave Prevar)
The Bridges of Madison County: Highlights of Page 2,391 of the 2021 Infrastructure Bill (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
The Color Purple: A Photo Essay of Carpenters’ Thumbs (Bill Cromwell, Keswick, Va.)
The Hunt for Red October: The Leaf Peeper’s Guide to New England (John Klayman, Fairfax, Va.)
The Neverending Story: Climbing to the Next Floor at M.C. Escher’s House (Jesse Frankovich)
The Neverending Story: Mrs. Greene Next Door Talks About Her Bunions (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
The Overstory: How to Convince Friends and Family That the 2020 Election Is Done (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)
The Ox-Bow Incident: Why You Shouldn’t Dress Your Farm Animals in Cutesy Costumes (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
The Poky Little Puppy: Caring for Your Dog After a Porcupine Encounter (Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)
The Story of O: Part 2 of “Tic-Tac-Toe: A History” (Andrew Elby, Arlington, Va.)
The Tempest: My One-Hour Career With Kelly Services (David Terry, Arlington, Va., a First Offender)
Wuthering Heights: A Collection of the World’s Finest Wuthering (Todd DeLap; Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)
Little-Known Facts About Well-Known People: Did You Know Jeff Bezos Owns The Washington Post? (David Shombert, Harrisonburg, Va.)
And Last: Pat the Bunny: The Empress Goes Undercover at the Playboy Mansion (Jesse Frankovich; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 11: our contest for “Is that your ___, or …” insults. See wapo.st/invite1456.