TO THE GOOD citizens of D.C.:

Spring has arrived in our fair city, and along with it come cherry blossoms, legions of confused tourists and a list of seasonal fashion faux pas so long it could probably fill three columns. We shall shorten it to the most serious offenses, spotted in just the past week. If you are — or someone you know is — a warm-weather fashion victim, it is time to seek style help.

» Unkempt, overgrown toenails: Ladies, if you only get a pedicure once a year, now should be the time. Until then, please stop exposing your scary talons.

» Yellow, crusty toenails: Dear men, pedis are not just for women.

» Denim shorts on guys: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

» Flip-flops as daily commuter footwear: Seriously, your nice work suit looks supremely silly with rubber sandals flapping at your feet.

» Strapless mini-sundresses: Ahem, it is only 70 degrees out there. Not 90.

» Pantyhose with open-toed shoes: Please just don’t.

» Bra straps under tank tops: There is a vast world of alternate supportive undergarments out there. Explore it!

» Tube socks with bright white sneaks: Sorry, Dad. They’ve got to go.