Angelina Is Gone, and All is Well (Except That It Isn’t)
Ding, dong: The Staten Island Dump is gone. To commemorate Angelina’s departure from the house, Pauly and The Situation cleanse the house of her belongings by throwing her bed and some left-behind shoes into the yard. Then the big, happy family gets together for a lobster dinner. Snooki and Jwoww decide to save one from his boiling grave by putting him in a bowl of fresh water. “I’m not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat, like, insects or something. So, I was gonna feed it worms,” Snooki explains. Vinny astutely points out that lobsters need salt water, and that’s the end of their pet lobster, Charlie.
But silly shenanigans don’t mean all is well in the house. Remember that note business? Sammi does. She knows she’s on her own now that her friend is gone. So, when the three boys go out for Jacuzzi time, Snooks approaches Sam so they can squash their issues. Sam accepts Snooki’s alarmingly mature apology, but no resolution is reached between Sammi and Jwoww. They have their own issues to discuss, namely the time they beat the hair extensions off each other. Later, Snooki invites Sammi out with girls. She declines, but then agonizes over the decision. She asks Ron-Ron, the man she gave up all her friends for, about it. Guess how helpful he is?
Ramona the Romanian; Snooki’s Got a Soulmate
The guys, minus Vinny, go out for G-T-L time — gotta keep it fresh! Vinny is, apparently, still talking to Ramona, the chick that blew him off and broke his tiny, tanned heart. But she apologized, so Mr. Pitiful is still going for it. She accepts his invitation to the beach. Vinny gets his beach bag all packed, his swim trunks and shades on and waits for her like his mom forgot him at school. Of course, Ramona doesn’t show up, but Vinny gets a call from two back-up girls. But then, wouldn’t you know it, Ramona calls! Who to pick? The two girls who are actively pursuing Vinny or the girl who left him with nothing but wilting flowers?
He picks Ramona, who we learn is Romanian. Vinny doesn’t know where Romania is, but that doesn’t matter. She’s from another county and speaks three languages! Oh, and she looks like a supermodel. During their beach date, Vinny is slobbering, groping and loving on this girl so hard. Her cheeks hurt from smiling, she contends. “You’re not leaving,” Vinny whines. Prediction: We never see her again after this episode.
While Vinny is in love with a Romanian, Snooki is crazy for her best friend, Ryder. After Ryder figures out how to get to JFK on time, she and Snooks go out shopping, drink a frozen cocktail with two Coronas sticking out of it and experiment with mixology. They scour the fridge for ingredients, including olives, ice cream and chocolate syrup. The result tastes like “a**hole.” These two are perfect for each other: They’re real, like to party, go crazy and be stupid. They even have their own language, which involves chirping, tongue rolling and other weird sounds. There are model BFFs.
The Situation’s Creepy Situation
The Situation gets ready for a night out on the town, but it’s clear it isn’t gonna be a good one. First of all, he is wearing the ugliest vest ever created. It looks like Halloween, according to Pauly. He looks like a Chippendales dancer wearing it, Snooki adds.
To make matters worse, the club is full of grenades. But The Situation eventually finds some unfortunate lady to approach. He literally picks up this poor girl, who begs him to stop. Everyone else is having a good night, until The Situation ruins it. “I’m not playing, we’re leaving in ten seconds,” he tells Snooki before picking her up. She is livid. He blames her behavior on the alcohol. I blame it on The Situation being a dink. Snooks is so mad she gets sleepy and goes to bed.
The morning after, they don’t speak. The Situation eventually apologizes, but that’s not enough for Snooks. She wants him to make the mood happy again. Once again, they go to the club. Fist pumping ensues.
Ramona actually shows up and is suspiciously affectionate with Vinny. The Situation uses being a “pimp” as an excuse to try to rob Ramona from Vinny, but no dice. The Situation pouts as Ramona and Vinny dance. He tries to hit on Snooki, kisses her, tries to put his hand up her skirt and, after she refuses him, he smacks her in the mouth.
» Obvious Alert: The Situation has serious issues with women. He screams at Snooki for not doing as he commands. What a maroon. She responds: “Don’t slap me in the face and tell me to go home.” Everybody has noticed that The Situation is losing his cool. Without Angelina the scapegoat, he doesn’t have anyone to hate on, and the issues between the roomies — inexcusable violence, for instance — are really coming to light.
» NEXT WEEK: Mike keeps on creepin’, and firefighters come to the house to put out Snooki’s fire. Hot!
Written by Express contributor Sarah Anne Hughes
Photos courtesy MTV