A Sad Snooki is a Bad Snooki
Last week’s “Jersey Shore” left us to wonder what the aftermath of The Situation slapping Snooki on the cheek would be. The Situation situation left Snooki and Jwoww pretty riled up. Of all the tough broads to make angry, Jwoww (who just filmed a segment for TNA Wrestling) is probably the most intimidating. Snooki is upset too, but more so that her friend Ryder is leaving.

The Situation still doesn’t think Snooki had a right to be mad, but goes ahead and fakes an apology that goes something like this: “Oh, Snooks, baby, I apologize. My bad, girl. I had a bad day.” Gross. Snooki isn’t having it at first, but that big-hearted tiny Guidette can’t deny him forgiveness in the end.

Still, the slap and Ryder’s departure leave Snooki pretty weepy. To Jwoww’s bosom she goes. Snooks wants to go home. She’s tired of the drama and wants to be with people from her hometown who, presumably, don’t hit her. Vinny reminds her that she only has a week left of this drama. This season of “Shore” is coming to an end!

Jwoww comforts Snooki with a trip to Space, a New York style club with juiceheads and house music. Jwoww takes the opportunity to put on her finest neon pink trimmed mesh skirt with matching sleeved bra top and pasties. She looks like a “whore,” according to Snooki, but that’s a good thing.

Space is crowded and doesn’t seem all that great. It gets even less great when two people start screaming at Snooks. The Situation sort of comes to her defense, but all that accomplishes is getting the crew kicked out of Space.

Snooki decides not to leave, which is good, since otherwise we wouldn’t have the episode’s best lesson: the hookup board. Jwoww, perhaps at the behest of the Board of Health, tries to figure out how many roomies have “swapped spit.” It turns out, they all have. Snooki is pretty OK with this.

Love is (Usually) a Wonderful Thing
Vinny is head over sneakers in love with Ramona. He won’t admit it, but it’s pretty obvious. After a night out, Ramona is lured to Vinny’s very comfortable bed. While she isn’t DTF, she does need pajamas. Vinny is in deep. Later, Pauly and Vinny take nice, respectable girls Ramona and Rocio to the beach. Vinny likes that Ramona looks like a model, and Rocio thinks she looks like a mermaid. Sammi is amused to see the boys “wifed up.”

Meanwhile, in Ron-Ron world, things aren’t great with Sam. After a family dinner, he tells her, “You look Asian. I like it.” Sam is insulted. But don’t jump to conclusions, guys! She’s offended because his ex is Asian. Snooki wants to tell her to “stop being stupid,” but doesn’t, condemning the audience to another edition of “Ron-Ron Fights With Sammi.” Why are these people together? Stockholm Syndrome? Ron blames their issues on Sam’s insecurities. Rather than the cheating and lying. Oh, Ron Ron!

The Situation’s Downward Spiral to Oblivion Continues
The Situation continues his tour of outright jerkery with Pauly. While they go get a haircut and eyebrow trim, The Situation proudly parks illegally. Rules do not apply to the king of the jerks.

After being kicked out of Space, Pauly grabs two DTF ladies off the street. As usual, Pauly plays it cool, while The Situation continues his quest to become a social pariah. The girl The Situation ends up with has only had one sexual partner — the horror! — and she’s not DTF. The Situation does the only thing he’s good at and cooks dinner. But even that goes up in smoke, and the fire department shows up. The firemen are not amused, but Jenni is. They’re “prime A meat of men,” she says. I’m not so sure man meat is USDA approved.

Later, Vinny and The Situation go tanning, but when they get back — no car. Seems The Situation’s parking luck has run out. Ha!

M-V-P go to Tantra, where Ramona works. M and P meet two DTF blondes from Canada, pronounced Cah-nay-dee-ah. Vinny’s happy with his lady love, while the other gentlemen spray a little cologne into their pants and try to get their DTFs in pajems. One of the ladies has a boyfriend and they decide they want to leave soon. The Situation decides they should leave now. Pauly can’t keep losing DTFers like this. The Situation’s awfulness is starting to show, and not even Pauly seems to be that enamored with him anymore.

» On the finale: The last night in Miami; The Situation’s bathroom hookup; Pauly yells like a gorilla.

Get ‘Em While They’re Hot:
» Jwoww’s solution for the blues: “Do you want to go tanning?”
» Snooki on Vinny: “He’s like my big brother, I love him. But usually you don’t have sex with your big brother.”
» The Situation to a repulsed lady in his bed: “We’ll get a workout in a second.”
» Inside Snooki’s dreams: “That’s actually one of my fantasies: for a fireman to come rescue me, put out my fire literally with a fire outfit on. That’s hot.”
» Ron-Ron has no sense of irony: “I think it’s my job as a boyfriend to make my girlfriend feel okay.”
» Vinny being the cleverest roommate, as usual: “This is like the guido version of ‘The Amazing Race.'”

Written by Express contributor Sarah Anne Hughes
Photos courtesy MTV