This weekend, you have two choices when it comes to big movies, and they’re both sequels. (Or you could go see “Bridesmaids” again! Do it for feminism!) “Kung Fu Panda 2” and “The Hangover 2” are both based on decent originals, but we’re tired of movies just getting sequels because the first one made a lot of money. Obviously, that’s why follow-ups are made — “We had more story to tell” translates roughly to “I really, really wanted an Olympic-sized pool in my backyard” — but we newspaper people enjoy keeping even the most impossible dreams alive, so here are our picks for movies that should get sequels just because we’d like to see more:
1) (500) Days Of Summer 2: Someone Is Confused About How Long Summers Last
A Hollywood executive realizes that the trope of the manic pixie dream girl is damaging to women and decides to try to eradicate the stereotype from his films, just as he meets a real-life manic pixie dream girl and falls in love with her. He must choose between helping her in her career and pursuing what he knows is a moral imperative. Hint: ends in murder.
2) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 2
The Day After. Ferris, 25 years later, is a faceless government bureaucrat with a talent for encouraging people all over the place to play hooky. Ferris convinces the president to take a day off — AND THAT IS THE DAY AN ASTEROID THREATENS TO HIT THE EARTH. Starring Helen Mirren as the president, because heck, yes. This also works because Matthew Broderick needs a job.
3) E.T. 2: This TimeIt’s Personal
E.T. returns to Earth with an invading army, set to enslave mankind and make Elliot king of all humanity for his previous kindnesses. Elliot’s thirst for power conflicts with his innate goodness and, eventually, he must destroy his alien friend using exploding Reese’s Pieces.
4) A Bug’s Life 2: A Bug’s Midlife Crisis
It’s the story of two fruit flies who live only 24 hours. It’s around 4 p.m. and they’re realizing they’re the last ones left at the bar and they’d better lay some eggs before the day is over and they die. But are they right for each other? Don’t worry; there’s a happy ending.