A friend said “Bachelor Pad” (Mondays, 8 p.m., ABC), in which former “Bachelors” and “Bachelorettes” vie for $250,000, is so yucky you want to shower after watching it. The same has been said of “Jersey Shore” (Thursdays, 10 p.m., MTV). Which series offered more shower-worthy moments in its season premiere?

“Jersey Shore”
1. Snooki compares her aroma to the posterior region of King Kong.
2. Uncle Nino’s advice on determining whether Italian gals are of age for sex: “Lift their arms. If they got hair, you’re good to go.”
3. Towel-clad Vinny fakes taking a dump on Snooki as she exercises.
4. Kissing tongues resemble mating slugs.

“Bachelor Pad”
1. In a competition, each male is hoisted in a harness over a bed while a female partner wraps her legs around him.
2. A third-grade girl spies soulless Jake on the street and sobs from joy because HE IS A TV STAR!
3. Jake’s ex Vienna strips and smushes with guy pal Kasey under a duvet.
4. Portions of the three-hour premiere are so boring viewers will want to shower just to pass the time.

Verdict: Both shows are equally adept at promoting physical hygiene.

Written by Express contributor Marc Silver
Image courtesy MTV