Would you still not feel that way if you didn’t hope for a reconciliation with your ex?
You must decide this first, because to tell him you’re not interested because you hope to get back with your ex is just going to give him false hope that once the ex is out of the picture, he’s next in line for some lovin’.
So if the answer is a definite no, no matter who else is available, just be kind and honest. Tell him you don’t want to string him along because you really only see the two of you as friends, and emphasize how much you truly value that relationship.
It’s Time to Talk About Sex, Baby
I’m only 36 and have been married just eight months, but I’m worried about our sex life. It’s been on the decline for the five years we’ve been together. And it’s my husband who doesn’t seem to want it. I’m in the best shape of my life and am ready and willing whenever. My husband has never been the stereotypical guy in terms of sex, but I need it more than this, or else I worry we’re doomed. -Unfulfilled
This is a cycle that only gets worse the longer you let it go on and the less you talk about it. If talking is too awkward, write a note. If he’s motivated to make changes, he can start with a physical exam and blood work to see whether there are physiological issues, such as hormonal or nutritional deficiencies, or medications that might be too blame. Often, depression, body image issues or anxiety can put a damper on a sex drive, too.
More likely, though, his sex drive is naturally on the lower side, and you might benefit from meeting in the middle. As important as it is to keep the drought from becoming permanent, you can’t expect him to turn a 180 if he’s never been much into it.