Who is angrier: Charlie Sheen or an alligator wrapped around a bait pole?

The top-rated cable shows on Thursdays have been Sheen’s new sitcom, “Anger Management” (FX, 9:30 p.m.), in which he plays an angry divorced therapist who helps angry patients cope with their anger, and “Swamp Hunters” (History Channel), in which Louisianans pursue gators. (Note: “Swamp Hunters” wrapped up its season last week; catch reruns on TV and online.) Let’s see how the different critters express their anger:

Gators: Unable to break free of a bait pole, they bang their heads against the boats of the swamp hunters, thrash tails, open jaws to reveal 70-some teeth and seek to bite the fingers of the humans.

Sheen: Mad that his girlfriend, also a therapist, stole a patient, he insults her by saying she has “monkey arms” and tries to pour ketchup on her (although the ketchup fails to emerge from the bottle). He then stalks the turncoat patient in the patient’s workplace.

Conclusion: Gators, you make Charlie Sheen look like a wimp. On the other hand, the gators all wind up getting shot and killed. So I guess Sheen is still … “winning.”