I’ve watched “America’s Next Top Model” ever since my daughters tied me to a chair when the show was on. The kids are now grown, yet “ANTM” still has a hold on me. It’s the world’s best train-wreck TV, source of the infamous line “Bitch poured beer on my weave.”
So of course I tuned in to Cycle 19’s premiere last week (CW, Fridays, 8 p.m.).
To bolster poor ratings, host Tyra Banks has fired almost everyone except herself, claims to be using social media to let viewers judge even though THE SHOW IS NOT LIVE, and is trying a college edition. Wannabe models attend such fine universities as Harvard, Paul Smith’s College and Aveda Institute of Columbus, which I believe offers a Ph.D. in lipstickology.
The college gals seem of train-wreck caliber. Kristin, with a history of brawling, declares, “Just don’t get me mad.” Yvonne’s booty will elicit jealousy. Per Tyra, it “doesn’t need to tooch because it’s already tooching itself.” And Homeschooled Victoria is double trouble: no friends and a persecution complex!
Yet I question some of Tyra’s casting calls. She rejected a contestant who likes to meow. Tyra, have you meow meow MEOW your mind?