Can it really be that ‘A Christmas Story’ is 30 fudgin’ years old? Three decades of pink bunny suits and Chinese-food Christmas dinners and naggings that we’re going to shoot our eyes out? The movie premiered in 1983 to mixed reviews but has since become a holiday classic that has spawned a Broadway musical, its own museum and plenty of kitsch (who among us doesn’t have a bobblehead Ralphie doll or a leg lamp Christmas tree ornament?). This year, you can sink into the couch and watch the endless loop of viewings that TBS offers starting Christmas Eve — or have a whole different “Christmas Story” experience by trying something new (see sidebar). Still not enough? We triple-dog-dare you to take our quiz below.
1. When Randy is discovered hiding under the sink (“Daddy’s going to kill Ralphie!”), what does his mom bring him?
B. Glass of milk
2. The Little Orphan Annie secret message that Ralphie decodes is “Be sure to …”
A. Eat your vegetables
B. Say your prayers
C. Drink your Ovaltine
D. Listen to our program
3. Put these events in the order they happened:
A. Ralphie gets a C plus on his Christmas theme
B. Flick gets his tongue stuck to a metal light pole C. Santa Claus takes a boot to Ralphie’s face
D. Ralphie says the “F, dash, dash, dash word”
E. Ralphie beats up Scut Farkus
F. Ralphie gets his Little Orphan Annie decoder pen in the mail
G. The Old Man wins “a major award”
4. When The Old Man is reading the newspaper, he mentions a story about “some clodhopper” in Griffith, Ind., who swallowed something. What was it?
C. Christmas ornament
D. Light bulb
5. While Ralphie and Randy are standing in line for Santa Claus, whom do they encounter?
A. Mickey and Minnie Mouse
B. Scut Farkus and his mom
C. Ralphie’s teacher
D. “The Wizard of Oz” characters
6. When Ralphie breaks his glasses at the end of the movie (“Oh my God, I shot my eye out!”), what does he blame it on?
A. The Bumpuses dogs
B. A falling icicle
C. Scut Farkus
7. What is the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s horse?
8. What kind of car did The Old Man drive?
9. What street did the family live on?
A. Terra Haute Road
B. Akron Drive
C. Cleveland Street
D. Columbus Avenue
10. Which of the following is not a present the boys receive on Christmas?
A. Fire truck
E. Red Ryder BB Gun
F. Baseball bat
How Many Did You Get Right?
0-3: You don’t know your Farkus from your Flick. We sentence you to 24 hours of “A Christmas Story,” conveniently offered up by TBS starting at 8 p.m. Christmas Eve.
4-7: You can spout off popular quotes from the movie (“Not a finger!”) and may have the movie playing in the background during the holidays while you actually live your life.
8-10: This is us looking at you as if you had lobsters crawling out of your ears. But you deserve a major award: Miss Shields gives you an A-plus- plus-plus-plus!
More Ways to Enjoy The Holiday Classic
After a limited Broadway run last winter that brought it three Tony nominations, “A Christmas Story: The Musical” is back in New York through Dec. 29. It’s in a new venue (the Theater at Madison Square Garden) but retains some of its original cast, including the narrator, Dan Lauria (“The Wonder Years” dad). achristmasstory themusical.com
ROAD TRIP TO OHIO!
Cleveland — where parts of the movie were filmed — is the place to be for true fans. Tour Ralphie’s house (restored to its movie glory) and visit the official Christmas Story museum (featuring original props and costumes) year-round, or, during the season, watch a stage version of the show. achristmasstoryhouse.com
BOND WITH FLICK
Hammond, Ind. (hometown of author Jean Shepherd, whose book “In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash” inspired the movie), offers its own movie exhibit at the Indiana Welcome Center, but the true attraction sits outside the center: a new bronze statue of the “triple-dog-dare” flagpole scene, dedicated earlier this year. south shorecva.com/achristmasstory/
READ ALL ABOUT IT
There are at least two new books out this year in time for the 30th anniversary: Caseen Gaines’ “A Christmas Story: Behind the Scenes of a Holiday Classic” and Tyler Schwartz’s “A Christmas Story Treasury,” which takes the form of a scrapbook and includes pull-out mementos and sound clips.