Two of our more musically inclined employees got extra creative this week and penned a song that pits Rusty, the National Zoo‘s red panda, who famously escaped his enclosure last summer, against Bao Bao, the Zoo’s latest edition to its panda realm, who will go on public view this weekend for the first time. No matter which panda camp you prefer, however, we’re sure everyone will get a kick out of the original Panda Smackdown Duet.

Play Panda Smackdown Duet



Why does everyone love that Bao Bao?

I’m pretty sure she’ll bite

I wish we’d named her Mulan instead

And infringed on Disney’s copyright


A red panda like me

Would make a much better pet

You could fit me in a cat carrier

And take me to the vet


Giant Pandas, they will make you a sad sack

You fall in love, then China takes ’em back


Bao Bao:

Rusty’s famous for hating humans

He scorned your admiration

He took off into Rock Creek Park

So why do you have this strange fixation?


I’m a Chinese mystery

I nobly poop bamboo

I’m polite, chaste and awe-inspiring

I make the tourists coo


Red panda, you’re a faker, you’re just a cut-rate fox

I’m the zoo’s rainmaker and we all know money talks.


Rusty: Chaste? Your parents watched porn to breed

Bao Bao: Thanks to Twitter, the Zoo had you treed


Rusty: At least I know how to have some fun

Bao Bao: You’ll never be a favorite if you’re always on the run



Why are we fighting?

We’re both hella-cute

If we join forces

We can give the naked mole rats the boot