Would you hire these two to solve your mystery? Would you hire these two to solve your mystery?

In today’s Blog Log, where we bundle a bunch of Internet tidbits for your procrastination perusal, we learn Sherlock Holmes in real life would be a pretty bad detective, Americans are really stupid (but certainly not you!) and much, much more.

“Sherlock Holmes should have asked himself why he concluded that a dog not barking meant that the race horse thief was someone the dog knew.” — Noah Charney at thedailybeast.com advises the literary detective to look at more options before jumping to conclusions. Using Arthur Conan Doyle’s story “The Silver Blaze” as an example, Charney says that Holmes tended to get lucky with his guesses, and his methods would be largely unsuccessful in the real world.

“A whopping 63% of Americans polled had an opinion, either for or against, helping out the good people of ‘Guavastan.’ ” — Gregory Ferenstein at techcrunch.com reveals a statistic before making some disturbing, yet hilarious, conclusions about the intelligence of Americans. We is dumb. Ferenstein cites polls that show the majority of Americans know very little about actual issues and a whole lot about problems that don’t exist — such as the U.S. military intervention in the made-up country of Guavastan.

“It’s like seeing your grandmother walk in wearing a Forever 21 t-shirt and leggings while telling you all about this viral video she saw on WorldStarHipHop.” — commenter Eldritch at gawker.com reacts to The New York Times’ attempt to use the “doge” Internet meme in the printed paper. The editors inserted bold-type, meme-like inner monologue phrases, such as “much reading,” “sooo looooong” and “such woords,” amid paragraphs in an article about long-form journalism and the Internet’s role in reviving the medium. The telltale shiba inu of “doge” fame was missing, however.

“Taking from the poor and giving to the middle class still feels bad to me.” — redditor JessicaMaple at reddit.com reacts to news that the ex-president of Trader Joe’s plans to open a line of grocery stores that sells expired or damaged foodstuffs at a discounted price. The problem with the plan, writes JessicaMaple, is that it takes away from the current go-to plan that many grocers, including Trader Joe’s, already has for its unsellable items — they donate it to the poor.

“I have nightmares about trying to get my covered wagon to California with a ditch like that in my way.” — commenter Vern Wells at npr.org jokes about the Grand Canyon, which researchers now say may be both older and younger than we think. A geologist from the University of New Mexico describes a new creation scenario that can account for both ends of the canyon’s age spectrum: about 6 million years ago a zigzagging river found a path across the Colorado plateau and through canyons that already existed. Thus the canyon is both just 6 million years old and more than 70 million years old at once.