21-year-old Matt Stonie might make you not ever want to eat a burrito again. (Youtube) 21-year-old Matt Stonie might make you not ever want to eat a burrito again. (Youtube)

After you read this Blog Log, you may never want to eat a burrito again. Plus, get a gander of what else people are talking about on the Web. You might even find a new roommate …

“This is the same dude who set a world record by eating five and a half pounds of cake on his 21st birthday.” — Julian Kimble at complex.com writes about Matt Stonie, the star of a viral video that shows him eating four Chipotle burritos (two chicken and two steak) and consuming an extra-large Diet Coke in 3 minutes. Someone give him an award. And maybe a barf bag.

“Dear terrible commercials, Americans are not pseudo-Olympians because they drink Coke or eat chicken nuggets.” — @bylinemjf reacts on Twitter to commercials from Coca-Cola and McDonald’s that have been airing during the Olympics. The two companies, which are both Olympic sponsors, suggest that normal Americans help Olympians succeed by consuming soda and eating Chicken McNuggets. Well, McNuggets are gold.

“Wanted: Friends that will partake in awesome stuff. We go to the bars and rip shots with bartenders … see sick concerts with some form of substance enhancement, because that is what we do.” — a poster at washingtondc.craigslist.org searches for roommates. “Bros” must drink whiskey and lift weights. “Chicks” must be attractive and work out. Everyone must “LOVE AMERICA.”

“If this were the sexual Olympics, New Mexico’s got the gold.” — Kate Hakala at nerve.com congratulates New Mexico for besting 49 other states and D.C. in Spreadsheets App’s “sex duration” rankings. The mobile app, which uses smartphone accelerometers and speakers to provide statistical feedback about people’s sex lives, published the average length of time people have intercourse in each state. New Mexico’s time was 7 minutes, 1 second.