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D.C.-area school auctions make yesteryear’s bake sales seem oh-so-stale. As fundraising season kicks into high gear this month, you’ll see well-heeled parents bid on private tours of the U.S. Capitol, dinner with ambassadors and even vasectomies (“for the man who has everything and doesn’t want any more,” notes the Holton-Arms School’s auction website).

At private schools, the proceeds generally go toward scholarships. Public schools use the funds for necessities like school renovations, library books and professional development for teachers, says Maryann Lombardi, the auction chair for Brent Elementary School on Capitol Hill. “DCPS only has so much money, and that money usually goes to your core activities like teaching,” she says.

As for the vasectomy on Brent’s auction block, it’s donated by a parent who’s a urologist, and usually brings the school about $800.

Here’s a sampling of the big-ticket items up for bid this spring.

Vasectomy (Holton-Arms School, Brent Elementary School)

Botox (Blessed Sacrament Huguenot Catholic School)

Lunch with Grover Norquist (Capitol Hill Cluster School)

Liquid facelift with Restylane (National Cathedral School)

Tour the U.S. Capitol with Rep. Doris Matsui (National Presbyterian School)

Poker game with World Series of Poker commentator Norman Chad (Springbrook High School)

Attend a taping of NPR’s ‘All Things Considered’ (Capitol Hill Cluster School)

High tea with Chelsea Clinton at the Portuguese Ambassador’s residence (Sidwell Friends School)

Women’s shoes hand-painted by artist Paul Cote (Blessed Sacrament Huguenot Catholic School)

Dinner with the Spanish Ambassador at his residence (Sidwell Friends School)

Washington Nationals hat autographed by Danny Espinosa (Congressional Schools of Virginia)

Tour the New York Times’ D.C. bureau with political correspondent Jonathan Martin (National Presbyterian School)

First-row seats at kindergarten graduation (Congressional Schools of Virginia)

What would you bid on?