The Washington Post

Watch Metro get roasted, Comedy Central-style

(Ben Claassen III/For Express) (Ben Claassen III/For Express)

Why did the chicken cross the road? To transfer from Farragut North to Farragut West. Heard the one about the Metro rider who walked into a bar? He was fed up with waiting for his train, so he decided to take the red wine.

Don’t worry — I’m not giving up my day job. I’m just trying to get you in the mood for the next installment of “Tuesdays with Funnie” at the Brixton. Once a month, event host Capital City Showcase devotes the evening to a comedic roast of one star of D.C. life. The two targets so far have been Redskins owner Dan Snyder and National Zoo fave Bao Bao. (Apparently, the beloved cub was mocked relentlessly about how giant pandas don’t like to procreate.)

Picking Metro to be the third topic was a no-brainer, according to Capital City Showcase’s Christian Hunt. After all, it already has a history of participating in roasts. Just ask anyone who’s ever been stuck on a hot car in August.

The setup is similar to the celebrity roasts on Comedy Central, where speakers take turns lovingly skewering the subject, who sits onstage for the whole ordeal.

In the “Tuesdays with Funnie” version, a local comic serves as a stand-in for the roastee. Playing the role of Metro on Tuesday night will be Michael Foody, 32, who lives in Columbia Heights.

“It’s difficult for a person to look like a train,” says Foody, who’s not entirely sure why Hunt deemed him the best fit for this job. But Foody is fond of Metro, which has dutifully ferried him around during the eight years he’s lived in Washington. He got very familiar with the system back when he had a daily mega-commute to Rockville.

To portray the character, Foody will not be relying on a costume (though he’ll probably wear a Metro logo shirt). Instead, he’s been constructing a persona that’s “well-meaning but not self-aware,” says Foody, noting that Michael Scott from “The Office” is an inspiration. He’ll get his chance to zing back once the roasters are done.

Has much research gone into this project? “I’ve been thinking about it, and Wikipedia-ing it. That’s the 2014 equivalent of research,” Foody says.

Given how people in this town love to kvetch about Metro, Foody expects there will be no shortage of comedic material to dig into.

“I’m sure delays and closures will enter into it. And ‘see something, say something’ will make an appearance. There are a lot of somethings that happen on Metro,” he says. Also on his predicted hit list: “the inexplicable carpeting.”

No matter how rough the jokes get, Foody is certain he’ll make it through the night unscathed.

“Metro’s feelings will be just fine,” he says. “I’m a grown train.”

Catch the Metro roast Tuesday — no April Fool’s joke — at the Brixton (901 U St. NW). Doors open at 7 p.m.; the free show starts at 8 p.m. Get more info at

Vicky Hallett is a MisFits columnist and the Fit editor for Express.



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