North Korea is warning that the release of a new American comedy about a plot to assassinate leader Kim Jong Un would be an “act of war.” (David Guttenfelder/AP)

—From Curbed: This interactive map will tell you the fastest way to get to and from any point in the city. Hint: It’s almost never Metro.

—North Korea wants to go to war with the U.S. over a dumb Seth Rogen movie.

Diane Sawyer is leaving “ABC World News,” so basically Brian Williams et al. are poppin’ bottles at 30 Rock right about now.

—A woman in Kelso, Wash., tried to back into a Jack in the Box drive-thru, and crossed over a median, causing more than $18,000 — or many, many hamburgers — in damage. 

—Thief walks into Home Depot to steal weed killer. Thief leaves shoe behind in escape attempt. World laughs.

@FAFSA tried to use memes. It didn’t work.