The dancers of Pilobolus will not freak you out at all. (Pilobolus)

Friday
Whoopi Goldberg
You might know her from “The View.” Or from “The Color Purple.” Or from “Ghost.” Or from … actually, does anyone on the planet NOT know Whoopi Goldberg? She returns to the Kennedy Center as part of the 20th anniversary of the Mark Twain Prize, which she won in 2001. A member of the exclusive EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony) club, Goldberg will bring her stand-up to the Concert Hall stage. Let’s hope she tells lots of stories about dating Ted Danson.
Kennedy Center, 2700 F St. NW; Fri., 8 p.m., $49-$125.

Friday
Mike Birbiglia
First, stop what you’re doing and watch Mike Birbiglia’s stand-up special “Thank God for Jokes” on Netflix. Now you’re ready to see him prep “The New One,” which, as the title suggests, is his upcoming special, which he’s working out on the road. The Georgetown graduate and director of two films, including last year’s improv comedy movie “Don’t Think Twice,” doesn’t just tell jokes — his shows are more like watching your funniest friend tell stories (on a stage, in a room, with lots of people). Warner Theatre, 513 13th St. NW; Fri., 7 & 9:30 p.m., sold out.

Friday
Pilobolus: ‘Shadowland’
A young girl who dreams of independence falls asleep and awakens to find herself in a land of shadows, where she embarks upon a journey of self-discovery. “Shadowland,” a new work from the dance-acrobatic-tumbling-video-performance group Pilobolus, features original music from David Poe and was conceived in collaboration with Steven Banks, a former head writer of “SpongeBob SquarePants.”
George Mason University Center for the Arts Concert Hall, 4373 Mason Pond Drive, Fairfax; Fri., 8 p.m., $29-$48.

Monday
EdibleDC Magazine Awards
If the Rammys, presented by the Restaurant Association Metropolitan Washington, are like the Oscars of the D.C.-area food scene, then the EdibleDC Magazine Awards are the Golden Globes (partly because things are just a bit kookier). There are 15 categories, including oddities like Best Community Garden, Best Chef x Farmer Collaboration and Best Use of Surplus Food. The winners will be announced and celebrated with a 21-and-up reception that includes food and drink from The Oval Room, Trickling Springs Creamery, New Columbia Distillers and more.
District Winery, 385 Water St. SE; Mon., 6-9 p.m., $45-$55.