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That bonkers ‘Bachelor’ finale, explained

On Monday and Tuesday, ABC aired the most dramatic season finale ever of “The Bachelor.” And it actually was. During five agonizing hours of smarmy, yet spellbinding, reality TV, Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr. told two women he loved them, dumped one and proposed to the other despite his conflicted heart, and then broke up with his newly betrothed to chase after the woman he rejected.

It was … a lot — even for the residents of Bachelor Nation. Here’s the condensed, and more merciful, recap. You’ll still need some popcorn.

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Meet Bachelor Arie, a racecar driver turned real estate agent.

This is Becca K., a publicist from Minnesota.

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And this is Lauren B., a saleswoman from Virginia.

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Out of a pool of 26 women, Lauren B. and Becca K. endured as the final two contestants vying for Arie’s heart. You might be wondering: What’s the deal with the “K.” and “B.”? Just like your third grade teacher needed a way to keep track of the three Emilys in your class, Arie — and America — needed one to tell apart Becca, Bekah and the four Laurens with whom he started his journey. We digress.

As per “Bachelor” decorum, Arie is supposed to say “I love you” to just one of these women, preferably at their engagement. And yet …

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“I love you so much …”

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We get it. Feelings are hard, and they’ve been particularly hard for Arie, a 36-year-old man who signed up to find a wife on TV — twice.

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But don’t fret. Arie prevailed, finally proposing to Becca K. beside some alpacas in picturesque Peru.

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Romance! Joy! Everlasting love!
Nope.

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Just before that love declaration, there was another — made to Lauren B., right after Arie sent her packing.

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Which brings us, weeks later, to a “Bachelor” classic: the rainy day confessional.

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Followed by an oblivious Becca K.

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And finally, the calculated ambush that made this the most dramatic season finale ever.

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Becca K. cried (duh). Arie, now the oblivious one, wouldn’t just leave already.

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Which left the rest of us just as confused as Lauren B.

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Unsurprisingly, she still took him back.

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At After the Final Rose, Arie once again demonstrated his inability to read the room (congrats to the happy couple).

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As quickly as Arie broke up with Becca K., the Bachelor broke up with Arie. Hello Bachelorette Becca (no need for the “K.” anymore).

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Most dramatic season finale ever, indeed.

Paul Hebert/ABC