Give praise! 2018 is over, and it took only about 27 years.

Wildfires raged; kids marched for their lives; families were separated at the border. Mueller investigated; Omarosa told all; Tillerson got dumped on Twitter. Kavanaugh and Ford spoke; the Queen of Soul and the maverick of the Senate passed; dragon energy permeated the Oval Office.

Throughout it all, the Bad Men list grew longer, engagements got shorter and regularly scheduled events — the Olympics! The World Cup! Combative presidential news conferences! — plodded along.

Sure, we got distracted. We humans always do. Arie proposed. Ari accepted. Stormy sued. Stormi debuted. But even that stuff made time’s march slow and painful. “Black Panther,” Yanni or Laurel, the royal wedding? All of that happened in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Eighteen. Trust us, we checked the dates. We have rapidly aged.

And just when we’ve figured out how to stomach all this news, here comes 2020, hurtling toward us like a tornado of Iowa double-bacon corn dogs. So grab the antacid and enjoy 2019 while you can, babies. It’ll last only a year.

Captain America
Captain Marvel
Keep Portland Weird
Concerned Jeff Flake
Concerned Mitt Romney
Oat milk
#DeleteInstagram (finally)
Worrying about Bryce Harper leaving
Worrying about John Wall staying
Senate gangs
House squads
Matte lips
Glitter lips
Cannabis candies
Cannabis candles
"True Detective"
"Detective Pikachu"
Redefining masculinity
Redefining motherhood
Lyft for scooters
Meal prep
Disaster prep
Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle's baby
White china
Granny china
Celery juice
Calamansi juice
Keto diet
Beto binge
Claire Foy
Olivia Colman
Putting faith in the Redskins
Putting faith in the Mystics
Male comebacks
Congresswoman clapbacks
'70s tailoring
'90s grunge
Ruston Kelly
Dillon Carmichael
"Fire and Fury"
Countdown to GoT finale
Countdown to GoT prequel
Trump International Hotel
Des Moines Marriott
Netflix comedy specials
Netflix reality shows
No comment from the special counsel's office
No comment from the special counsel's office
TV reboots
Plant protein
Michelle Buteau
Tech billionaire bros
Aperol spritzes
Wine-flavored water
Person close to Jared Kushner
Lawyer close to Jared Kushner
Weird Twitter