The List: 2020

What will be out and in for the upcoming year

Riiise and shiiinnee, friends! It’s a new day, and it couldn’t have come a moment too soon. 2019 was a wild dream, huh. Or was it a nightmare?

We show up to class and, ugh, pop quiz. We only SparkNotes’d the assigned reading— have you seen how long the Mueller report is? — but grades don’t matter because mom and dad paid for SAT scores, anyway.

Suddenly we’re in the sky, suspended between Brexit, impeachment and primaries. We land on a battlefield, where the games among superheroes and Starks have ended. Shouts echo from children upset over the earth’s condition. Tears flow for statesmen, songbirds and storytellers.

We make our way to the Old Town Road and find it lined with familiar faces: Megan Rapinoe saying sorry to this man (who is making his way to the DMZ); Jeopardy James giving answers in the form of questions; Beyoncé leading the Homecoming parade.

Then it turns into a weird pregnancy dream and, oh, God, is that … Baby Yoda?!

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Phew, it’s over. But 2020 is just starting.

So let’s quit hitting snooze. We’re painfully awake, and it’s time to take a good, hard look at what’s ahead. What, think we can’t see into the future? Girlfriend, you are so on.

Nationals parade route
Oat milk latte
Anaerobic coffee
"Climate change"
Baldwin on SNL
"Read the transcript!"
Read John Bolton's book
Intuitive eating
Offloading Redskins season tickets
Sequels every few years
Food delivery
Beverage delivery
Dolly Parton
Farewell, Rendon
Stay forever, Soto
Diner interviews
Farmer interviews
What is television?
Sans serif
Blush painted rooms
Black painted rooms
"Birds of Prey"
Washington drunk
Shutting down local newspapers
Leaving teen girls alone
Jury trials with Rudy
"Friends" with Netflix
Libras as boyfriends
Hot workouts
Worrying about your kids' screen time
Worrying about your boomers' screen time
Death Stranding
Elder candidates
When will Tom Brady retire?
Ivanka 2020
Selling to Gen Z
Living in "1984"
Fed up with Kanye
Council Member Jack Evans
Buying influence at Trump's hotel
Voting your conscience