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The List: 2016

You don’t want to be a loser, so, listen, okay, this is going to be huge. HUGE. Earlier I turned on the television and there was a new poll — did you see the new poll? Ronda Rousey is down, but Saint West is soaring. Pizza rat, Jon Stewart, Don Draper — done, finished, total disasters, nobody cares. And me? Did Hillary hire me? Will you hire me? I mean, Hello, it’s me... I’m winning, and all I want to do is MAKE 2016 GREAT AGAIN.

Look, in 2015, there were no gaffes, only honesty, the truth. Which, you know — and I’ve been saying this all my life — has nothing to do with facts. We’re white and yellow AND blue and black. Don’t believe me? Just watch, I have hundreds of people who agree with me. The bomb was a clock and the balls were deflated, gay people are marrying without being stopped by a clerk from Kentucky, and police officers are shooting people on camera. We’re all hashtagging against terrorism then hashtagging for National Doughnut Day, while checking the Bei Bei-cam and the Paul Ryan beard-cam so we can Finstagram it. See? People of this country are sick and tired of this incompetent crap.

So I built a list. A great list, a beautiful list — and nobody builds lists better than me, believe me. The best people told me what is coming, the smartest people, extremely credible sources. Follow The List, and you will be a total winner, a really nice guy. Don’t like it? Well, you’re fired.

Out

In

Endorsements

Retweets

Waiting for a Frank Ocean album

Waiting for a Zayn Malik album

Vetements

Demna Gvasalia

Vine stars

Twitch streamers

Out

In

Personality

Rowhouses in Petworth

Pluto

Thoughts and prayers

Background checks

Boomtowns

Transgender moment

Out

In

Downton Abbey

Swiping

A closer who doesn't choke

Bringing Kevin Durant to D.C.

Athleisure

Dressing up

Out

In

Late-night merlot with the Speaker

Anniversaries

Injectables

Ride sharing

Sharing your ride sharing

Ghosting

Out

In

Bar carts

Dressing tables

Instant gratification

Perpetual discontent

Abandoning Afghanistan

Commercializing Cuba

Raúl Castro

Julian Castro

Sparking controversy

Out

In

YikYak

Your brand

Your scent

Cider

Mead

McConaissance

Selfie sticks

Phone umbrellas

Giving it away

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Bill Nye

Ladyship

Womanhood

Trash to table

Kacey Musgraves

Maren Morris

Out

In

Squad goals

Walls

Ceilings

"Are you on Venmo?"

Supergirl

Jessica Jones

White

Iowa

Florida

Out

In

Indoor trees

Indoor moss

Data

Metadata

Open letters

Kobe retirement tour

Biden retirement tour

The Uber/Tinder/Netflix for [a thing]

[The thing]

Diverse

Video

Live Q&A

Jessica Contrera will be online Tuesday Jan. 5, at 12 p.m. to discuss what's in and what's out in 2016. She welcomes your questions, additions and criticisms.

Video

Live Q&A

Jessica Contrera will be online Tuesday Jan. 5, at 12 p.m. to discuss what's in and what's out in 2016. She welcomes your questions, additions and criticisms.

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