Carrie was too shocked to react; then she panicked and ran out of the bar and all the way back to her apartment in the downtown area of her city — alone.
She is too embarrassed and traumatized to report this guy to the school, but her friends have offered to report him, without revealing her name.
The man who did this is going to graduate as a physician next year, and even now is responsible for patient care.
She made me promise not to talk to her dad about this and beyond offering love and moral support, I'm wondering if there's anything else I can or should do.
Worried Mother: “Carrie’s” reaction to this assault is not unusual. With all of the current and growing awareness of sexual assault prompted by the MeToo movement, you might think that people who are assaulted would stop reacting with shame, embarrassment or fear. And yet this is exactly how assault victims react, and experiencing these feelings is part of the ongoing trauma.
You should urge her to visit her school’s counseling center.
This man, soon to be a doctor, grabs and gropes when he wants to. He’s done so in a public place. He will have even more access — and privacy — when he is a physician.
Reporting him to the police, and/or notifying the medical school about this incident — anonymously or otherwise — may protect another person/patient down the road. Reporting is a brave and ethical response to the assault. Any witnesses should also report.
Carrie might choose to handle this one way now and a different way later. Encourage her to actively engage in her own healing.
In my opinion, you should not promise to keep this from her father. Unless he is a shaming, blaming hothead, or would pose a risk to her or others, he should be told that his daughter was the victim of a crime. He should be given the opportunity to care for and comfort her, and to discuss this with both of you. I hope you will encourage her to communicate with him about it.
Also, encourage her to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673, and/or use the online chat function to connect with a counselor: rainn.org.
Dear Amy: I have one niece and two nephews (triplets) who will be 18 soon.
Every year I have sent each of them money for their birthday, and every year up to 2017, I received thank you notes from each.
Only one sent me a thank you last year.
This child is also the only one this year that thanked me for money I sent at their graduation from high school.
As the birthday approaches I am considering sending money to the one who has taken the time to thank me, and sending empty cards to the other two.
Am I being petty?
Auntie M.: Your generosity has recently been met with a lack of gratitude, and of course this affects how you feel about continuing to extend your generosity.
Your reaction isn’t petty; it is somewhat punitive.
My own view is that up until the 18th birthday we aunties basically celebrate our nieces and nephews’ existence. For birthdays, holidays and special occasions, we are telling them, “Yay! You exist! I see you and celebrate you.”
After they turn 18, they need to find ways to (basically) earn the attention you have up to this point given so freely.
I think you should give equally this year and then, if you and one of the siblings develop a special relationship based on generosity and gratitude, then you should recognize that, moving forward.
Dear Amy: "Frozen" and her husband disagreed about how much comfort to offer their children.
When our daughters were young and had a minor injury, we'd immediately say in a caring and loving voice, "Dust off."
Then we would both swing our arms and brush the "dust" from our pants or legs.
It worked beautifully and let them know that when they hurt, we hurt — and we get better together.
Dan: This is perfectly sweet. I love it.