Dear Miss Manners: My friend got me a job at the company where she works — a temp job for a few months' time. It was a real help for me, and I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

My friend is acting as my boss, and she is generally very nice. However, she told me that although she is my boss, I make more than her and she feels pretty bad about it. I told her that I was shocked to hear that and that they should pay her more. I didn't know what else to say.

Now I'm feeling terribly guilty and have an impulse to send her money, but I'm afraid if I did, it would be a passive-aggressive move. Is there anything else that can be done? I will be out of here soon anyway, and unemployed again.

Well, that should make her feel better.

There are so many things that are exceedingly wrong here and all for different reasons: that a temp would get paid more than a boss; that your friend would think it necessary to mention that to you; that you would feel that any of this is your fault — and especially that you would think it your responsibility to send her money to make up for it.

Miss Manners finds the last one more confusing than passive-aggressive. Your best course would be to be supportive of your friend: either in her asking for a raise — or helping her to find a better job.

Dear Miss Manners: This afternoon, my spouse asked me to text our new roommate the location of the thermostat so he could turn on the air conditioner while we were out. I tried to, but accidentally sent the text to a completely different person (the dog groomer). I sent another text to her explaining the previous text should be ignored, and sent the original text on to the intended recipient.

But this got me wondering: Is there a specific etiquette rule on what to do if a message is sent to the wrong person? This text was innocuous, but I sometimes send racier texts to my spouse. What if one of those went astray?

This, it seems to Miss Manners, is an excellent argument for not sending saucy texts. But far be it from her to intrude on anyone’s fun.

If a wayward text is sent to the local hedge pruner instead of its intended recipient, a simple apology and redirect is all that is necessary. Convincing your spouse that the mistake was innocent, however, might be a bit more complicated.

Dear Miss Manners: Are you required to invite the grandparents of the bride and groom to the rehearsal dinner?

What would be the advantage of not doing so?

Surely, excluding them in favor of your color palette specialist and cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s roommate who also DJs will not be worth the family tension that will probably ensue.

Unless, however, Nana and Pop-Pop are given to voicing loud opinions on controversial subjects — or your marital union. In that case, Miss Manners gives you permission to limit the dinner to only those standing up in, or essential to, the ceremony itself — however you choose to define that.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website,

2019, by Judith Martin