It took six days for the cargo ship Ever Given to free itself from the Suez Canal, but here we are, nine months later, still existentially trapped. We thought we’d be Building Back Better, that our supply-chain woes had been solved in Early Quar, that “Jeopardy!” would have a real host by now. We waxed and vaxxed ourselves for a Shot Girl Summer, but our tenuous optimism pledged Delta Omicron — a sorority known for big parties and killer hangovers.

Our divisions grew even more irreconcilable: vaxxed vs. anti-vax, “Stop the Steal” vs. everything we thought we learned in middle-school civics, kidney donors vs. short-story authors, bones vs. no bones, Kim vs. Kanye. It makes a person want to flee for Austin, or Cancún, or even Upper Marlboro, where the zebras roam, er, roamed.

Things have to get better eventually, right? Maybe we can look to the Ever Given’s example: In mid-December, the ship returned to the Suez Canal, passing through without incident. Until we, too, can wriggle free of our impediments, join us for a booster dose of the List.

Kate McKinnon
Sarah Sherman
Trump International Hotel
Dads accidentally being on TikTok
Jacinda Ardern
Playing dumb
Faking smart
Throuples in advice columns
Throuples in your newsfeed
The new normal
Olympics, finally!
Olympics, again?
Jan. 6 defendants sitting in court
Jan. 6 defendants holding court
Rocket girth
“Selling Sunset”
Quirky wallpaper
House murals
Being mad at RBG for giving us Amy Coney Barrett
Emerging virus variants
Pete 2024
Babies born during the pandemic
Toddlers born during the pandemic
Midterm hell

An earlier version of The List misspelled the name of actress Barbie Ferreira. This story has been corrected.

About this story

Illustration by Oleg Buyevsky for The Washington Post. Edited by Hank Stuever. Copy edited by Annabeth Carlson. Designed by Leo Dominguez and Victoria Adams Fogg.

Maura Judkis is a features reporter for The Washington Post. She is a two-time James Beard Award winner. She joined The Post in 2011.