David: I can have fun with whatever I’m doing. I am always, always smiling, and I’m really, really good at remembering things girls say and bringing it up when they need to hear it.
Caitlin: I mean, look at me! I’m a bombshell! Ha!
David: Every girl I’ve ever dated has been tall, blond and had a great smile.
Caitlin: I want someone with a big heart and a bigger wallet. It’s true that every girl wants a man that is handsome in a handsome way. I’m most attracted to man with a five o’clock shadow, wet hair from the shower, and who smells of a nice cologne. Great personality and exudes confidence ... big plus.
David: She’s a liar. Everyone has a preference, and it’s usually sweatpants.
Caitlin: Are they mom jeans? Or are they 7 For All Mankind, which make every guy’s butt look really good?
David: A girl who owns her own private jet and loves the beaches on the Mediterranean. She doesn’t have to cook, but she better clean. She’ll be a fabulous dresser but never once talk to me about clothes. And she’ll enjoy cheap domestic beer that doesn’t include the word “Coors.”
Caitlin: James Bond! He’s athletic, sexy, strong, has a really cool job, awesome cars and, most importantly, he is secure enough to let his lady take the lead when she wants to. He’s a guy that makes a girl feel protected! He has a good sense of humor and oozes charisma and sex appeal!
About the date ...
8 p.m., Lost Society, U Street
David: My [Date Lab] application was, like, three years old. I’d just quit my job, and I thought if I did a bombastic, outlandish application I’d get picked. And then I completely and utterly forgot about it until they called me out of the blue.
Caitlin: It’s so funny I even went through with this! I signed up for [Date Lab] on a whim. And then [they call] three years later? I’m like, Are you kidding me? I’m like thinking back to, like, “Dumb and Dumber”: “So you’re saying there’s a chance?”
David: I just got a puppy, and [when I] came home, she [had] had her first accident, so I was scrambling to get dressed [and] clean up, so of course I ended up being 10 minutes late. No one likes to be late, but I particularly hate it. It was just a disaster getting out the door.
Caitlin: I got [to the restaurant at] about 10 of. They said that he had called ahead and he’d be running late. My first impression was just: a nice, handsome guy, a typical D.C. guy, like he left Farragut North-land to go to dinner. Your typical D.C. bro-bro. That’s what I call them: bro-bros. They’re like a LAX[lacrosse]-bro, but not; now they have, like, real jobs, they have to look the part, but kinda goofy, like they don’t know what’s going on, but they do, a little bit.
David: Umm, she was nice; she’s pretty. I wasn’t extremely, like, excited when I saw her. What’s funny is, when I filled out that application, if I’d been picked right then and set up with her, she probably would be my type, but I’ve probably since moved past that. I think I’m a little older, a little wiser about who would be right for me.
Caitlin: I was just like, “I need to have my Chardonnay.” I think he got a beer. We were looking over the menu, and we got some appetizers. A blind date is great in theory, but the problem is that it’s just like meeting a complete stranger. Whenever [a] guy says, “Let’s do dinner,” I honestly hate that. It’s the worst, ’cause what if he is a clown and now you’re stuck there? It was like, “Okay, what do you like to do, what do you do on weekends?” Kind of like an interview a little, but I think that’s kind of bad. We were just both kind of stunned we’d been chosen and that we actually decided to go through with it. Now my friends and, like, random people are going to [read this and] be like, “Aren’t you that girl?” And I’m gonna be like, “Yeah! That happened.” You know like in “Bridesmaids,” when they have that scene, and she’s like, “It’s happening! ... It happened. ”
David: Her personality didn’t engage mine whatsoever. I didn’t find myself being compelled to find out more about her. She talked a lot about, like, movies and TV shows, and [it was] not an interesting conversation to me. I think, in that sense, we didn’t connect on any level. The whole thing was pretty superficial.
Caitlin: It was difficult; like, what do we have in common? And then I was like, “Have you seen ‘Seinfeld’?” I judge a lot of people off of that; you can read a person. I was shocked to learn that there’s someone else out there that is witty like me, who doesn’t care and just does that.
David: I’m very dry and quick and sarcastic, and she wasn’t bothered by anything I said, but I didn’t catch her making any jokes at all. I just think that’s how she is. It was just tepid. We ordered entrees, and [then] the waiter walked up with a bourbon on the rocks with a little note, and said, “Your friend wanted to send you a drink.” I didn’t tell anyone I had this date. But amazingly, a friend saw me there [and texted another friend who] actually sent a drink over. I got a kick out of it.
Caitlin: I thought it was kind of funny. To be honest, I was kind of waiting for my friends to come out from under the table, like, “Toots, we’re on the date, as well.” But they did not. But that would have been funny. I believe we left there around 10:30-ish. I was like, “Dude, I’m gonna go to ChurchKey; you’re more than welcome to come, and that’ll be that.”
David: We had a drink [at ChurchKey]. I actually had a better time the second half of the date than the first. A little more informal. We were asking people to take pictures of us, so we were having fun.
Caitlin: He has a puppy, and he needed to go take care of it, which is totally fine. I get it. I was planning to go out later with my friends, so we just kind of left it at that.
David: We hugged goodbye, and I got her number. In totality, [I’d give the date], like, a 3.5 [out of 5]; it was an enjoyable experience.
Caitlin: Let’s say 3.5, how about that? I felt like it was so forced, [but] there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He was very nice, mannerly, just your typical bro-bro. It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t Jon Hamm, not gonna lie. Just a nice date.
UPDATE: No further contact. “It was a weird date, but it was just, like, one of those things. Like, eh, you hear, you won’t, no big deal. The show goes on! The shame spiral continues!” Caitlin says. “Did you ever watch ‘Sex and the City’? Do you remember when there’s an episode where Carrie is, like, on the cover of [New York magazine], and she looks, like, woof? What’s going to happen to me?”