I was a lawyer for years, and I loved it. Then I had children. I never liked children until I had my own, and I just fell in love with the whole motherhood scene. When it was time to work again, I started a singing group. I remember the first time I spoke without moving my lips. We were doing a show at a country club in Washington, and right in front of us, two brothers were starting to have a fistfight. When you’re onstage, you can’t be unpleasant; people don’t want to see that. So I smiled, turned off my mike and said, “If you do that again, I will call the police.” When I did that, I thought, I could be a ventriloquist.

It took me a good 20 years to get good at ventriloquism; I look at those old videos and see my mouth moving all over the place. And the first thing

I did was look at my hand and look at my mouth and tried to make my hand move the way that my mouth does. My hand is so well connected to my mouth that if I’m saying something the hand can just move the same as my mouth does, without even thinking. From practice, you clearly create synapses in your brain which get used to doing that.

To be a successful ventriloquist, your puppet has to have its own personality, and you have to learn to separate yourself from that. I remember buying a goose pattern and making the first Silly Goose. She doesn’t know that she was made; she thinks she was born. So we try to keep that a secret. Silly Goose is somewhat like Lamb Chop in that she has a soft mouth, [but] she’s a little feistier than Lamb Chop. Silly Goose and I have been entering into negotiation about who should have top billing. She’s had top billing for years, and I told her, “You know, you don’t even have a bank account!” My brother will often call me and say: “Valerie, you do know she’s a puppet. Right?”

My shows have a lot of audience participation. The children tickle me to no end. The cool thing about children is they don’t smoke. They don’t drink. They go to bed at 8 at night, like I do. And they like to work in the morning, like I do. So they’re the perfect audience for me.

To be a puppeteer is a little bit unusual. Especially in the crowds I’m running with: the federal judges and the lawyers. One of my favorite things is when I first started doing this, I would go out and do these shows, and every once in a while I would see someone in the back who I had known as a lawyer. And they would look at me and look away. And look again, and you’d see them shake their heads like, “Nah, nah, couldn’t be.”