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Gene Weingarten: Corny jokes for preteen folks inspired this edition of ‘Rhymes Against Humanity’

(Alex Fine/for The Washington Post)
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Here’s another batch of “Pokes,”
Poems retelling corny jokes.
People claim they’re juvenile
An accusation I find vile.
So today I’m using only jokes
Aimed at only preteen folks.

Heavy Metal

When it’s raining cats and dogs, that’s bad.
You get sopping wet, and hard rain stabs.
But even worse (by more than a tad)
… Is hailing taxicabs.

A Real Ripsnorter

“I can make a facial tissue dance,”
Said the magician, with a wicked glance.
“I won’t lie, or try to spin it:
“You just put a little boogie in it.”

Who? Nose!

I hear a thin voice in my head.
As my right eye to my left eye tells
This joke that knocks the left eye dead:
“Just between us, something smells.”

The Lunar Pruner

Observe the moon (up over there).
Do you wonder how he cuts his hair?
How he does it, how he snips it?
Eclipse it.

Johnny's on the Spot

No homework, Johnny? Guilty, he pled.
But he had an excuse, an unusual take.
No, his dog didn’t eat it — HE did, he said.
“Teach, you called it a piece of cake.”

A Sour Fact

Behold! A revelation that just might tickle.
It’s about how a cucumber becomes a pickle.
It’s partly science, and part lament.
The cuke must suffer a jarring event.

A Fruitful Encounter

A baby kumquat cried and cried.
She said to me: “How sad I am.”
And then explained, all teary-eyed:
“My mother’s in a jam.”

Honkering Down

In the grocery store a snowman
Was roaming the produce rows.
It was odd, but made some sense —
He was just picking his nose.

In Her Own Hands

My father’s sister battles crime
Her official title’s scanty.
But to me she’ll always be
My beloved vigil-auntie.

This Kid Is a Chicken

A playground’s traversed by a kid.
Why is this something he did?
He crossed it (all kidding aside)
To get to the other slide.

Email Gene Weingarten at gene.weingarten@washpost.com. Twitter: @geneweingarten. For previous columns, visit wapo.st/weingarten.

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