(Illustration by Alex Fine/for The Washington Post)

We bring you here some brand-new “pokes,”

Poems telling old stale jokes.

Today’s, howe’er, are faves of mine ...

(Rude and cheeky, by design.)

The Choice

To a savage land two men of God did travel.

They sought to give to heathens Christian voice.

Their mission soon most gravely did unravel

For seized they were, and given a grim choice:

“You may choose roo-roo,” said the village chief

Or, in its stead, take sudden, instant killing.

The first man said, “The first,” with slight relief:

Whatever roo-roo was, it seemed less chilling.

But tied he was, face first, to a big tree,

And, at the hands of tribesmen, he was toast:

His nethers suffered gross indignity,

Till, hours later, he gave up the ghost.

The second man was given the same choice:

And from his colleague’s trial he quite took heed,

He said he wanted death — then, with rejoice:

“I ask it done right now, with all due speed.”

The chief responded wisely, like a guru:

“As you wish — but first ... a little roo-roo.”

Lurid Taverns

Into a bar walked a lady named Sondra.

Her face was angelic, her body spelled trouble.

She said to the barkeep, “I’ll have an entendre,

… And, come to think of it, make it a double.”

No thinker was he — he was more of a doer.

So the barkeep just smiled … and then gave it to her.

The Beany Baby

The baseball kept getting bigger and bigger

Why that was, I could not figger!

The problem threatened to outwit me.

Which is when — aha! — it hit me!

See Spots Pun

I told my doctor, Max Linguine:

“I’ve broken out in spots of red,

Just like a polka-dot bikini!”

“You have analogy,” he said.

Lettuce Pray

I went to see my doc

For a problem with my rear

I’d lately got a shock —

And it was tinged with fear.

For right there, sticking out,

Was some lettuce — stiff and green!

“Doc, what’s this all about?”

I asked, with troubled mien.

What followed deeply panicked me:

For a saddened Dr. Weissberg

Said, “Son, this might well be …

… alas, just the tip of the iceberg.”

The Empty Nest

I just hate Russian dolls

And won’t put them on my shelves.

Just why, you well might ask?

They’re so full of themselves!

Email Gene Weingarten at weingarten@washpost.com. Find chats and updates at washingtonpost.com/magazine.

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