(Illustration by Alex Fine/For The Washington Post)
Columnist

We now present a few more “pokes,”

Poems wrought from stand-up jokes.

Today’s assortment are all loaners

(Each is old … and all are groaners.)

A Dirty Tale

Chicanery I have detected

And it’s just as I suspected:

My neighbor has been adding loam

To the garden at my home

In short, my pulse, it races, quickens.

For, you see, the plot — it thickens!

Bank Shot

A teller at a bank was cross

With her clients, with her boss —

Mostly, though, she got real peeved

And was grumpy, and aggrieved

By the oldsters’ loud demands

With balled-up fists and shaky hands.

“Check my balance!” yelled one boor

(So she tipped him to the floor.)

In the Pink

“Stop behaving like a flamingo!”

Said my wife (in salty lingo).

I took this as a major put-down …

So I had to put my foot down.

Philosophy 101

If you look at things real close

(You might give it a try …)

Every mirror in the world

Looks just like a giant eye.

A Child's Garden of Versus

“You’re immature!” declared my wife

(She is the nagging sort.)

Indignantly, I ordered her

To leave my pillow fort.

Rhymes With Orange

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

“A carrot.”

Hear, Hear

Oft upon me thoughts are dawning

This one came in last night’s dream:

When the deaf see someone yawning

Do they think that it’s a scream?

The Kiss, Version One

My wife asked for lipstick, but I screwed things up

What happened to her is most shocking to me —

I mistakenly gave her a glue stick instead.

And she still isn’t talking to me.

The Kiss, Version Two

My wife asked for lipstick, but I screwed things up

To her mercy I soon appealed

I mistakenly gave her a glue stick instead.

(Thank heavens that her lips are sealed.)

A special thanks to Pun.me for the extra special lame jokes! Email Gene Weingarten at weingarten@washpost.com. Find chats and updates at washingtonpost.com/magazine.